ashcan rantings

she's on a diet while my pocket's eating cheesecake

2011-01-11T14:22:00.012-08:00

A lot of people think that only actors, musicians and artists should be famous. I think anybody who is interesting and entertaining should be famous, which is why I love reality TV. Not all of it, but, by God, I love drama and do not want it in my life, which is why I rely on MTV and VH1 to churn out delusional people and the unbalanced few who inexplicably want to have sex with them.

Now, Canada in general is less pop culturally-driven than the US, and here the Kardashians aren't quite the megastars they seem to be in the States. I mean, we get your magazines, so we're definitely aware of who they are, but I have never heard someone in my life talking about them or their show. However, a few nights ago, flipping around cable, I came across It: Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I read enough Jezebel.com (I finally kicked my Perez Hilton habit, which is a huge relief because I can't stand the guy) to know that Kim is no longer dating Reggie Bush (sigh, swoon, squeeee for a NFL fan like myself) so I would presume the episodes currently be aired aren't recent but wow, this show is phenomenal.

Now, bear in mind that I've only seen about five episodes and they appear to be older but no matter how childish (bringing your sisters to your Lasik surgery so they can giggle and freak out, distracting the doctors), spoiled (your trainer says "eat more eggs" so you buy a bunch of chickens to keep in your backyard??) and bratty (a thirty-something woman refusing to talk to her mother for days because she forgot to come to her photoshoot) they can be, this is absolutely the pinnacle of reality television entertainment.

Like any reasonable woman, Khloe is my favourite. And by "favourite" I mean, "probably the one I would eat last if we were all trapped on a desert island" because, hey, that's the type of situation where you want the kind of comic relief she provides. Sure, I was disappointed to see her supporting my least favourite organization, PETA, but you knew she was doing it purely out of ignorance combined with weakness to the manipulative tactics they should be famous for.

The main reason I love this show is because I am fascinated by celebrity, and this is a rare show where you can watch celebrities on the rise (no, American Idol doesn't count - may that insipid monstronsity of mediocrity be forever banished to Hades) and not desperately trying to cling their final dying moment of stardom. And you gotta love these people for how much they have allowed us to invade their lives. I mean, I have officially seen the inside of Bruce Jenner's colon. Your move, Audrina.

In conclusion, all I can really say is the thought that I often find myself murmuring whilst watching the show: "It must be nice to be that rich."

some people like freakin' in the morning, some people like freakin' at night

2011-01-01T10:53:00.025-08:00

Ahoy-hoy and a Happy New Year to you all. My much-needed New Year's Resolution? Blog more! Considering that in 2010 as a whole, I posted a grand total of not enough times, I guess I owe you another in a long string of apologies.

Truthfully, part of the reason for my lag in posting has been Dibbly Fresh. Since I started reading it, whenever I go to blog, all I think is "AHHH I WILL NEVER BE THAT CLEVER". But, really, you can't live your life worrying you don't compare to the greats. When I get dressed, I don't worry that I don't have Anita Pallenberg's wardrobe. When I open my monthly bank statement with quivering hands, I don't despair that I don't have Bill Gates' money. When I play piano, I don't concern myself with Beethoven spinning in his grave (which is partially because Beethoven never played what is now considered to be the piano. He died before it was finished. What he composed his music on an earlier, different version. If Beethoven heard me playing piano, he would probably be more interested by the instrument than whatever the hell I was doing. This is how I think, okay!)
Since it has been almost a year, it's really most important that I let you know

10 Songs I'm Into at the Moment:

1. "I Can't Wait" by Sleepy Brown featuring Outkast
It is very unlike myself to want an Andre 3000 verse to end, unless it is to let me squeeze in an "I do" at our wedding, but I just wish they'd put his verse at the end, because when I put this song on, I am so anxious to get to Sleepy's smooth "Oooh, baby, come on". Not that Andre "Chameleo Salamander" 3000's verse isn't amazing, because it is. The beauty of this song is the soul-funk in Sleepy Brown's amazing, Stevie Wonder-like voice.
Normally, I wouldn't advise willingly becoming a hostage to the man holding up your neighborhood pancake joint, but I can't judge the girl in this video. Andre had me at "You hoped to meet a gentleman one day, well this is that".

2. "I Can Change" by John Legend feat. Snoop Dogg
Look, I want to like Snoop Dogg. He seems like an amusing guy. He coaches a preteen football league! But he's really making it tough for me. Get off this beautiful soul jam, Snoop! "I can make your zoom-zoom go boom-boom?" Is that supposed to be romantic? Because it sounds like a car bomb threat to me.
All lame rap ad-libs aside, I wasn't super familiar with any of John Legend's work before, but I'm thinking I should start investigating. This song is amazing.

3. "Remember (Walkin' In the Sand)" by the Shangri-La's
I'm not crazy about early 60's girl groups, but this song has a dark, almost ominous quality to it that makes me giddy.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no" is my favourite part.

4. "Make Ups 2 Break Ups" by Method Man feat. D'Angelo
One of the thing you, dear readers, have been deprived of since I stopped blogging an insane amount of time ago is my obsession with D'Angelo. The guy kills it on a regular basis, except for, oh, that pesky little arrest in 2010 for soliciting a blow job for $50. Crack kills, kids...brain cells and careers.
After exhausting the Voodoo album, I found this little gem. Sure, D'Angelo is restricted to one line, repeated, the one song and there is a crazy mixed-message vibe going (Method Man rages on and on about how much he hates his ex-girlfriend and how he'll never get back together with her, while D'Angelo croons "I'm still in love with you, babe"), but if you pair a great rapper and a soulful singer, I'm there. Listening, John Legend?

5. "Monster" by Kanye West feat. Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, Bon Iver and Rick Ross
Epic douchebag, sure, but Kanye West is famous for a reason: He is brilliant at what he does. He hasn't released a single I've loved since "Can't Tell Me Nothin'", so I was pleasantly surprised by the latest (and the delightfully disturbing video). Kanye's verse is fantastic ("Goose and Malibu, I call it Mali-BOOYAH"; the sarcaphogus line always gets a giggle out of me), Jay-Z's is sold if unspectacular, but Nicki Minaj, from whom I've never heard previously anything particularly thrilling, hits it out of the ballpark and down the street ("Just killed another career, it's a mild day"). Rick Ross just mumbles something generic for two lines, so I don't even know why he bothered showing up.

6. "Def Squad Meets Flipmode Squad" by Def Squad (Jamal, Redman, Keith Murray) and Flipmode Squade (Busta Rhymes, Rampage The Last Boy Scount, Lord Have Mercy)
If I had to pick the most all-around lyrically killer, rollin'-in-yo-caddy hip-hop song, I'd probably go with this one. Off Busta Rhymes' first album, each rapper really brings their A-game - no filler.

7. "Closet Freak" by Cee-Lo
Yep, I'm also lovin' "Fuck You", but my favourite Cee-Lo is still this funky number off "Cee-Lo Green Is A Soul Machine". He's so versatile, from rapping to singing, from Dungeon Family to Gnarls Barkley. Does anybody else remember his daughter on My Super Sweet 16? Just me? Alright.

8. "Fear Da Tiger (Who Dey?)" by Bootsy Collins and the Cincinnati Bengals
Okay....for musical quality alone, this song doesn't quite pass muster with the rest of the list. However, I am a huge NFL fan (despite my residency, Canadian football is an oxymoron) and Cincinnati is my second favourite team (after the Carolina Panthers...and before any of you savvy NFL fans ask, yes, it's been a rough season), so when I learned they did a song with BOOTSY FREAKIN COLLINS, I knew no matter how much it would inevitably suck, I would love it.
And yes, the players rap.

9. "One More Drink" by Ludacris feat. T-Pain
This video is brilliant by Ludacris standards, so that really says something. Featuring T-Pain and Big Boi? When I get to the very heart of my T-Pain adoration, it is his dancing. So if Ludacris has ever made you smile, you will enjoy this video.

10. "Hayloft" by Mother Mother
Arctic Monkeys aside, I'm hardly a modern rock fan, but I've been really enjoying this track lately! I don't know how famous these guys are in North America, since they are pretty wellknown here, but semi-local. I'm diggin' the girls and the riff, and it's mixes things up a bit amongst all the hip-hop/R&B in my life right now.

are you putting us under? cuz we can't take our eyes off your t-shirt and ties combination

2010-03-25T17:28:00.051-07:00

When I'm in a tough spot, I like to curl up with mtv.ca (Yes, we have an MTV Canada; "They just can't seem to get anything right up there, can they?" -Gavin Volure) and enjoy a little trashy reality TV. But since "16 & Pregnant" only comes out once a week, sometimes in cases of extra apathy, I have to venture out of my usual teen-mom canon and experiment with other MTV reality shows.

Yeah, I really should be reading.
A book, even.

Anyway, just now I decided to try watching My Life as Liz, as it seemed to at least be more interesting than The Hills (though, really, what isn't?)

I actually had to stop watching partway through because I was filled with such annoyance that I felt a rant coming on...and what better place to pour out my feelings than on my very own blog - and I'm sure Liz has one of her own because she is just so delightfully alternative.
I have never met the girl, so I cannot claim to have a problem with her but I cannot stand her phenomenally contrived persona. I guess she's supposed to be the Paramore crowd's answer to Lauren Conrad, but in this day and age, the unnatural-hair-colour-sportin', eye rollin', handheld-video-camera-wieldin', awkward-guy-friend-having, sarcastic "rebel" has become as obnoxious a stereotype as the bottle blond cheerleader type. Quirkiness is less endearing when it's as forced as this.

And I can't help but feel a bit of affection for Liz's foil character, the "Barbie" Taylor Terry. In the first episode, when she passive-aggressively confronts Liz's downright rude disdain for her with a "Like, what's the stereotype that, like, you think that people would, like, put me in?" (cue Liz's ironic glace into the camera - Taylor shows her who's the real bitch, matching her look with an aggressive glare) She obviously at least has a sense of humour about herself, filming a cutesy montage of her as a Barbie doll. In an online profile, she states "I hate girls with baby voices", "I eat like a man" and "I don't like the colour pink" - this girl's alright.

Now, bear in mind, this is mostly a snap judgement from seeing half of the first episode. However, one of my pet peeves are people who blanketly judge all religious people for being judgmental, based on a few extremists, and I feel that in a way this is what Liz does. She whines and whines about how people in her town judge anyone for being different, but all she does is judge other people. She thinks she's so superior to Taylor Terry and her clique just because she stopped trying to be like them - which, she indicates in the beginning of the episode, she only did because her former friends shunned her. Her "epiphany" was practically forced onto her by the very people she so bitterly hates...but it's not personal or anything.
I know what you're thinking: Holy crow, (yeah, I know you say "Holy crow", don't fight it) this chick (meaning ME) is a triple hypocrite - she's judging Liz for judging other people for judging.
The difference? I'm not criticizing Liz the person, but Liz the MTV character. And once you're an MTV character, you're opening yourself up to this kind of thing: blogs are the heart and soul of television these days.
Actually, I just un-paused it for a minute, and must give Liz major props for admitting that Taylor Terry "isn't that bad". Baby steps...
The fact that this is on MTV makes it nearly impossible for me to believe that Liz is any more genuine than Heidi Montag's face (and I am instantly embarassed by the laziness of that analogy) - how did a girl like this get a TV show anyway?
Because she wanted to be on MTV. So the difference between Liz and The Hills ladies (whom, for the record, I do find 10 times more despicable than Liz, despite the rest of this sentence)? Those blondies are at least honest about their shallowness.

i brought you in the back just to have a conversation, really think you need some ventilation

2010-03-02T11:50:00.006-08:00

My Potentially Controversial Opinions on Various Topics:

If you don't care, stop reading now.

Rihanna:
Look, I don't demand much from a pop star. The lyrics can get lazy (I still love you old-school Black Eyed Peas). You don't have to sell out stadiums (Amerie forever holds a place in my heart). You don't even have to be that great of a singer (Britneyyyyy). But I do want a pop star to have something, that quote-unquote "It factor". CHARISMA. This is why I can't stand Rihanna.
Don't get me wrong. I love her song "S.O.S." and that will likely never stop. However, it's not as though no one else could have made that song great. In fact, it would have been massively improved without her dull, intoning voice. That song's greatness is the production and the sampling. That Rihanna is the singer is pure chance.
What I strongly dislike about her ("hate" is such a strong word) is that she has no personality whatsoever. Is that just me? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!
Does nobody else on this planet notice that her eyes are like an emotionless void. She just seems so dead all the time. And I think her new "bad girl" image is painfully contrived.
She seems like the kind of girl who just does what she's told and it pisses me off how she's becoming a symbol of strength. This ain't Tina Turner, guys.
Though, clearly, I'm the one who is missing something here, because she is wildly successful. And you know what? I'm wrong. It's because of her distinct lack of genuine personality that she has thrived so. She is the "perfect" pop star because she can be whoever suits the record label's interests best.
That won't build you a nice warm nesting in the inviting place that is my heart, RiRi.

Roman Motherfucking Polanski:
Now, I am a big fan of Roman Polanski's work, and I adored his autobiography, but I'm not simply blindly defending him when I say let him go! My two main reasons for this:
1. He is clearly not a continued threat. Since the situation in the 70's, there has been no further complaints. He has settled down and married.
2. This is the more important one, in my opinion. His "victim" has repeatedly begged the court to not pursue the case.
What is the reason sex offenders are prosecuted? To prevent further incidents and to avenge the victim. If he isn't a threat and the victim desperately wants the case dropped, what purpose are we serving?

Am I saying celebrities should be exempt from the law? Not necessarily. But I do think high-profile artists like Roman Polanski should not be treated like your average neighborhood pervert. And that's just my opinion.

T-Pain:
People find this surprising but I love. T-Pain. And yes, you have to pause after that "love" to get the proper emphasis. No, I don't like everybody and their step-third-cousin using AutoTune, but everything in moderation, people, and T-Pain owns that shit. I've raved about his genius ("And let me assure you: I use that word often" - Tracy Jordan) before. I had a lot to say on the subject but it was simply the same themes over and over: subversive yadda yadda, statement on the depth of human emotion yadda yadda, really sweet dance moves yadda yadda, P-Funk-esque top hat...
I also have a playlist on my iPod called "I'm T-Pain, you know me"

Family Circus:
People who know me well know a few things: I have a deep, semi-unexplained love for Scatman Crothers (mostly based on the awesomeness of his name), I cannot sleep with a TV or light on and I will get huffy until that is remedied and I have a blind rage for Family Circus that I can rant about for minutes. I'd say hours, but, really, let's be reasonable.
I believe Family Circus is the devil disguised in an "innocent" family comic strip. Why? Because it defies all logic. It is a comic strip that is never funny. I am not exaggerating. It is literally never funny. And it's not even amusing in a so-bad-its-good way. More often than not, I can't even see anything that remotely resembles a joke. Sometimes its like, "alright, nice try, Family Circus, but that joke wasn't funny". But usually it's like, "That is just a sentence. I cannot even detect an attempt at a joke."
Oftentimes, I like to play a game with myself where I read the comics and judge what percentage of times that a comic strip is entertaining. For example, Doonesbury is funny 95% of the time, Dilbert is funny 80% of the time, Hagar is funny 10% of the time...Family Circus is the only one that scores 0%.

My theory: the author's idea of funny is getting paid for this bullshit.
A rudimentary understanding of the concept of infinite doesn't automatically translate to "funny", guy.

he's a god, he's a man, he's a ghost, he's a guru

2009-12-20T22:00:00.025-08:00

God, it's good to be back. I almost stumbled into an ill-timed bought of writer's block but luckily Lexie was to the resue, demanding "a list of your ten fave albums/singles/artists/however you want to post this from 2009".
Do-able!

I'm not sure if she means my favourite albums/singles/artists prominent in 2009, or just the songs I was most into in 2009. The is latter is way too hard so behold, in no particular order:

My Top 10 Favourite Albums/Singles/Artists of 2009

"Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga (video)
My ''relationship'', if you will, with Lady Gaga seems to be repetitive. I hear her new single and think "Eh, not quite on par with the last one". Then I see the video and enjoy it so ferociously that my obsessive YouTube viewings of it cause me to fall in love with the song. The best of her videos? "Paparazzi". It reminds me of a Jacqueline Susann novel (specifically Once Is Not Enough). Glamour on an extreme, histrionic level. The wheelchair and neckbrace were truly the icing on the cake.

"LoveSexMagic" by Ciara (song & video)
I don't know what it is, but I've always had a strong love for Ciara. Perhaps it's that her song "Promise" is one of the most beautiful Prince rip-offs I've ever heard, but I'm always interested in her new single. This one did not disappoint (as so, so many have). And, as much as I can't stand Justin Timberlake's cocky attitude, the video is killer too. I'm a sucker for a good afro.

"For Your Sorrow" by Big Boi feat. George Clinton and Too Short (song)
When I hear there's an OutKast song featuring George Clinton, you'd practically need industrial strength bungee cords and about three ounces of strategically placed SuperGlue (use your imagination) to hold me back. This one did not disappoint (besides its lack of Andre). From George's opening wheeze of "This is the dope on dope, smoke but don't choke on, its the shit. Plenty bloody junkies have been known to croak, but let's still toke up, it's the bomb" (I'm just guessing here...it is George, afterall) to Big Boi's "Stank you very much", this song is the sleazy Parliakastament Thang we've all come to know and love....from their one other collaboration.

This Is It by Michael Jackson (movie)
I'll say it flat-out ("with love", as MJ would say): the song blew. It is truly tragic that Michael Jackson's final single would be so mediocre. And that's the last I'm going to say of it, because out of extreme respect for Michael, I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist. The film, however, was fantastic. Tasteful, loving and revealing, it shows Michael how we should remember him: as a musician through and through. It is astounding and fascinating to watch him direct the musicians. He just knows music so well. For me, its still a toss-up between Michael and Prince as to the greatest performer of all time, but to anybody who enjoys pop music, this documentry will not disappoint.

"D.O.A." by Jay-Z (song)
2009 was also the year that I fell in love with Jay-Z and, despite my preference for his first album Reasonable Doubt, this cut proved he still got it.
"This ain't a number one record...this is practically assault with a deadly weapon"

"Red Right Hand" by the Arctic Monkeys (song)
I still haven't copped Humbug (though Christmas is tomorrow...) but I've been quite impressed with the Arctic Monkeys' new-ish sound. "Crying Lightning" was awesome too, but I think I slightly preferred this one.

"Honey" by Erykah Badu (song & video)
I know I've raved about this gorgeous soul song before, but you really must see the insidious and oh-so-clever video. You know 00:51 is my favourite moment. (If you didn't catch the reference, check it)

"3" by Britney Spears (song)
Ever since I got into Britney Spears a couple years ago (and that was a weird enough adjustment in itself), I've felt like the holiday season was truly her time. The past two Christmases my sister's present to me was her new album. Unfortunately, her "new" album this year is a greatest hits compilation, so I just went straight for the filthy single.
It's about threesomes, nuff said.

"Rockin' That Shit" by The-Dream (song)
I flat-out love this Prince rip-off. The explicit version is necessary, even though I adore the word "thang", because the clean version cuts out "bra". What fresh hell...?

"Drink in My Cup" by Electrik Red (video)
Electrik Red is to The-Dream what Vanity 6 were to Prince (on a much, much smaller scale of course), so you know I was intrigued. Most of their shit didn't blow me away, but I cannot get enough of the divine trashiness of this video. Why am I not getting into barfights and stealing chicken drumsticks from the kitchen? Oh yeah, cuz I'm not old enough to get into bars yet.
Still, that is no excuse. Bathroom stall dance sesh in T-minus, 5, 4, 3...

oh, i says the damndest things last night when i was running game...

2009-12-16T17:08:00.017-08:00

Wow....Jesus....there are no words, really.

I haven't posted in 2 and a half months, and part of the reason I've been putting it off so much is because I feel like my return must be EPIC, a post that will be linked and gossiped about, a post that, perhaps, might even warrant a Youtube tribute video to the tune of "Walkin' On Sunshine". Unfortunately, said post never quite popped into my head fully formed so please bear with me while I try to get back into the schwang of thangs.

Excuses for my behaviour? (Or lack thereof, really) Well, I can dish em all out - new job, new boyfriend, new Betty Davis album - but it all comes down to who cares? I still mourn the devastating abandonment by Emma of her brilliant blog (2 years and counting, R.I.P. bbgurl), but all I can do is throw on the explicit version of "Sexy Can I" and wait for slow, gentle death.

Where to even begin?? I almost just threw myself off on a For the Love of Ray J tangent (glorious! Flavour of Love with an actually-attractive host!), but I have resisted.

I guess I should come bearing apology gifts. Aaaaaaand, those come in the form of amusing YouTube videos! (What else?)

George Clinton - "Do Fries Go With That Shake?!"
Leave it to George Clinton. This sleazy track (featuring Vanessa Williams) and its dynamite video will sho nuff put a smile on your face. Judging by George's face at 00:52, ladies in mismatched layers make his brain cease activity, and, judging by his pick-up lines, particularly in the linguistic department.
But does it make me question using him as my "historical figure who inspires you the most" during job interviews? Not for a second.
Oh, Georgie, one day we will frolic in a giant chocolate milkshake together, our souls funking as One.

And, for a cheap laugh, the Bill Cosby Pokemon Rap. How can you do anything but chuckle?

I'm still pimping out my online vintage store Safe as Milk Vintage, so...

...if those miniscule little pictures of items I have in store now whetted your appetite, I will provide the link once again (SAFE AS MILK VINTAGE) for those of you too lazy to scroll up to find it (and don't think I'm judging - I know your pain!)

Also, if you dig my store, or just feel like giving me a little support, join my Facebook fan page. And add me up! I go by Molly Jagger (not only a reference to the divine Mick, but also the wicked Jimi song "Dolly Dagger"). Just let me know you know me through blogging!

Well, let me get this posted before something drastic happens to delay my return further!

I am home, home to you.

Love me.

give up the funk....seriously, snoop, leave it to the pros

2009-09-30T14:12:00.007-07:00

Just need to take a quick break from the 7 Things that define me list, because, goddammit, I've got something on my mind.
Now, I personally am a fan of hip-hop - give me some Outkast, Busta Rhymes, Jockin Jay-Z, Mos Def, Talib Kweli and I will purr contentedly like a kitten on morphine. However, it is far too often that hip-hop abuses the precious gift called The Funk.
James Brown is the most sampled artist of all time, but Parliament-Funkadelic is a close second and some of the clumsy samples I hear make my ears hemorrhage.

The main offender:

Snoop Dogg.
Now, it is not to say I hate Snoop Dogg, because in fact I find him highly likable - I think his performance of Huggy Bear helps. But when I thought about hip-hop songs that figuratively raped that good ol funky thang, 4 out of the 5 that first popped into my mind were courtesy of the Dee Oh Double-Gee. The other was Ice Cube.

"Flashlight" by Parliament vs. "Stoplight" by Snoop Dogg
I am secure enough to admit that Snoop Dogg pimping whilst riding a Segway is badass on a whole nutha level, but he even jacks the opening "How else can you capture the world if you dont attack from the back...to the rear, march!" from P-Funk's "How else can you capture a boogie if you dont attack from the back...to the rear, march!" It must have been difficult to make one of P-Funk`s most joyous cuts sound so labouring - and it almost sounds like he got George and Bootsy to sing back-up? Could be wishful mishearing, though.
I must admit, the fun video is making this song borderline enjoyable, but the bottom line is that it is just superfluous - why would you ever listen to "Stoplight" when you could be listening to "Flashlight"?

stoplight/flashlight
"Get Down On It" by Kool and the Gang vs. "We Just Wanna Party With You" by Snoop Dogg and Jermaine Dupri
Now, Snoop isn't fully to blame on this one - it is technically Jermaine Dupri's (who I have to give mad credit for the Godfather II reference - Don Ciccio? Badass!) And
it is, I must admit, a very enjoyable song (I've loved it since I got the Men In Black
soundtrack at age 10) - until you hear the Kool & the Gang song that it (forgive my
vulgarity on this one) rapes. The 70's original makes the 90's sample/cover sound weak, cheap and silly.

get down/we just wanna
"Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)" by Parliament vs. "Undercova Funk (Give Up the Funk)" by Snoop Dogg
I'll admit that this number - undoubtedly P-Funk's most well-known cut - is probably my least favourite of theirs. I'm not sure what exactly it's missing for me, but what it needs definitely isn't sparing substitution of the word "gangsta" for various lyrics, or some lazy rhyming. "Man, these suckas on the mic ain't sayin' nothin'" Snoop complains - well ain't that just George Clinton calling Bootsy Collins one badass motherfunker.

give up the funk
"Atomic Dog" by George Clinton vs. "What's My Name?" by Snoop Dogg
There is really nothing to say here but Snoop doggy dooooooooogggg..uh, I mean, A-tom-ic dooooooggggg.

doggystyle

my heart went bang shang a lang

2009-09-22T10:14:00.007-07:00

7 Things That Make Me Who I Am - Part Two

2. My bangs

Though I consider my hair, and my bangs in particular, to be physically my defining characteristic, my overall attitude towards is fairly blasé. My basic policy is that as long as I have blunt bangs, what's going on with the rest of my hair is unimportant.

Logically, I used to be extremely careful with my bangs, allowing them to only be trimmed by a trained professional. Eventually, I began to allow my mother, who has had bangs her whole life and is near-professional at trimming her own, to give it the odd go when I couldn't make it (read: was to lazy to venture) to my hairdresser's. Soon, in a fit of desperation, I began to trim my own bangs.

And lately?
A couple weeks ago I trimmed my bangs in my cousin's yard without a mirror.

Check out that Bob Masse Led Zeppelin poster though - gorgeous, hey? Nicola bought it for me for no reason...I have no idea what I did to deserve such a glorious friend. And for the record? Nicola's got some badass bangs as well.

...the kind you find in a secondhand store

2009-09-20T11:57:00.005-07:00

The lovely Michelle from stray cat blues (check out her blog for inspiration from this classy lady with impeccable taste) sort of tagged me to list seven things that make me, me. She didn't explicitly tag me, but she tagged all her readers and gave me a special mention, which made me nearly-literally weep with joy and gratitude.
In any case, one of my great joys in life is talking about myself so I am thrilled to share with you, one at a time,

7 Things That Make Me Who I Am - Part One

1. I go shopping at least three times per week.
Thrift-store shopping of course! For myself and my online vintage store - people often ask how I manage to find the wondrous haberdashery that I do and the "secret" (if you could call it that) is simply effort. Well, okay, it's not as simple as all that - I've been to some towns where the thrifting is just miserable. To be a thrift store success as I am, you need the following combination:

Good thrift stores
Living in a more affluent area helps, but it really comes down to the variety of people who would be donating to these thrift stores. I personally live in a community that is both fairly wealthy and full of retiring hippies - a recipe for good thrifting if I ever heard one!
Dedication
Yeah, going thrifting a couple times a month will yield results - but if you go three, four, five times a week, you get to snag the exciting pieces before anyone else. Hell, I'm all for daily thrifting, but with my busy laying-in-bed schedule, it's just not always possible.
Sense of self
It's good to know specifics of what you're looking for - for example, I favour ethnic patterns, fur and beaded jewelry. When you're in a rush, it's easier to skim for what you like.

That's not to say I don't enjoy some good cheap mall jeans, because I overindulge in those $15 Body Central jeans that last surprisingly long. But my secondhand goods add a much-needed shot of soul into my wardrobe.
Let's play a little quiz game to discuss thrift store clothing further - here's a bunch of pictures of me. Which of these outfits do you think were bought at thrift stores and which were bought at the mall?

Answer: Trick question! They are all thrift store finds. All of them! Every last one - shoes, belts, hats, scarves, the clothes themselves...all but the umbrella, I scrounged up at thrift stores.
The most expensive item? The suede, fur-trimmed groupie coat, top row centre - $10.

Bow down.

pretty party clothes crocheted of snow

2009-09-10T10:59:00.009-07:00

So whilst perusing (and I'm using the original definition here) my own blog the other day, I noticed that it has been literally months since I harassed you guys with a shameless plug of my online vintage store SAFE AS MILK VINTAGE.
Well, even if I've been slacking "h-core", as kids (some kids at least) say these days, on my blog, I've been hard "at work" with my store - thrifting, altering, photographing, shipping...
I do offer a 10% discount to readers of my blog, so if you see anything you're interested in, just let me know and I'll work something out.

Here are some of the items I've recently added:
Vintage Red Velvet Slouchy Hat
This one totally reminds me of something Marianne Faithfull would wear. Gorgeous rich hippie look.

Price: $20

ashcan reader price: $1870's Psychedelic Hippie Mini Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27
70's Belted Floral Midlength Dress
Price: $20
ashcan reader price: $18

70's Ethnic Button-Up Bohemian Maxi Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27

80's Abstract-Print Poncho Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $2770's Ethnic Hippie Dress
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27
80's Laurence Kazar Blue Sequined Party Dress
I just adore this dress - the colour, the length, the sequins. If I had more formal events that I went to, I'd definitely keep it for myself, but since I don't really have the chance to dress up often (besides to dance around my own room) and, won't lie, I need money, I figure I'd pass on the love.
Price: $50
ashcan reader price: $45
Men's 70's Embroidered Button-Up Shirt
This is the greatest shirt I've ever seen and the only reason I'm sad that I don't have a boyfriend is because I have nobody to force into this shirt - so force your stylish man into it, and enjoy the rare sensation that is me being jealous of you.
Price: $30
ashcan reader price: $27

This is just a taste; I have many new and exciting listings here and don't be shy about getting in touch with questions or comments!

music men wrote songs about her, some said it sweet, some said it very mean

2009-08-25T21:02:00.013-07:00

I must tell you guys about a really touching and inspiring movie I saw last night. I'd seen it before when I was younger, but my naive mind was unable to fully grasp it.

The protagonist is a brilliant fashion designer with an eccentric hairstyle and impeccable taste - some might call her a bitch, but every strong, independent woman gets called nasty names by those who are intimidated by their self-reliance.

One such person, the husband of an employee, even goes so far as to write a song mocking her aggressive ways. Catchy though the song may be, it is highly typical of this bullying man, who taunts her mercilessly - even his dogs get in on the act, calling her a "devil woman". Pretty tough talk from a being known to eat its own feces.

With her bumbling-but-well-intentioned henchmen, she embarks on a noble quest to craft a most perfect collection of spotted coats, but this couple and their pets refuses to allow this, muscling her hustle at every opportunity. Don't hate the player, Radcliffes, hate the game. The pets even use their sneaky animal advantage to connect with other dogs across the county, managing to simultaneously undermine our heroine and irritate neighbors for miles.
But even with the odds stacked against her, the plucky fashion designer doesn't give up! A testament to ambition, she continues to fight for her art. Unfortunately, the movie takes a tragic turn when, in a race against time and a truck that the dogs have (surely illegally) stowed themselves away on, the elements turn cruelly against her as well, and a snowy car crash ensues. Miraculously, she survives, but her luck stops there: the puppies, even the ones rightfully acquired from pet stores, find asylum with the Radcliffes. As for our girl, well, at least she's got her to-die-for white coat. And elegant red gloves. And gorgeous turquoise ring. And dramatic skin tone. And uber-badass cigarette holder.

So, really, methinks she was the winner all along. And while Anita and Roger are trying to co-ordinate doggy bathtime times one-hundred-and-one, Ms. Cruella de Vil will be lounging in her furs, hacking up a lung and enjoying her legacy as one of the most gloriously inspirational movies characters of all time.

P.S. You may have noticed that I've added advertisements to the blog - if you weren't incredibly offended by this post and my love for fur, maybe you'd like to do me a "solid", to use the parlance of our times, and click on a link or two. It puts a little money (and I do mean "a little" - pocket change, but I appreciate it ever so much) in my bank account.

i'll be a big noise with all the big boys, so much stuff i will own

2009-08-18T18:11:00.003-07:00

I'm back! After a beautiful summer of, uh, obsessively watching Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle (because I don't get it here in Canada) I'm back home in BC and the below-80 degree weather makes up for not being able to ogle Real's shiny weaves on a nightly basis (thanks, VH1's obsessive/compulsive super-redundant programming mode!)But my Real infatuation is fodder for a whole new post on it's own (and I'm not joking, so prepare yo' self) - today, I shall be imparting on you some musical inspiration with

10 Songs I'm Into At the Moment

1. "Computer Games" by George Clinton
It was on George Clinton's first solo album, but in reality, it's pretty much a P-Funk track cuz the gang's essentially all here - Bootsy, Garry, Bernie, Junie, Maceo, Eddie... This whole album has a more electro feel, and it does feature George's most well-known song "Atomic Dog", but I can't get enough of this track, especially the lyrics, which are characteristically witty.
I can outdrum a beat...I can outdance a floor...I can holler for more

2. "Break Ya Neck" by Busta Rhymes
I have requested to my loved ones that if I somehow die by cervical fracture, this song be played while my casket is being carried in. Listen to it in that context - it heightens the experience.
And, like all Busta songs, the video is tres amusant.
And we get a little HIGH, and we get a little DRUNK, and we get a little CRUNK, c'mon!

3. "Friend or Foe" by Jay-Z
It's embarassing that I slept on Jay-Z for so long, but now I am obsessed with his Reasonable Doubt debut. This track combines the Godfather gangster-ness that I love with Jay-Z's undeniable wit.
You're twitching - don't. do. that/You're makin me nervous/My crew? Well, they do pack/ Them dudes is murderous/So, please, would ya put your hand back in sight? They don't like to see me nervous/You can understand that, right? Your draw, better be Picasso/You know, the best/Cuz if this is not so, ha, God bless

4. "Vitamin C" by CAN
Wikipedia calls it "krautrock", their website says they're "doch der Einfluß dieser Werke strahlt bis in die jüngste Gegenwart", but I just say they rock in the freakiest, most badass way.
A beautiful blows, I stay at the corner/She is living in and out of tune

5. "Big Love (acoustic version)" by Lindsey Buckingham
I know it's originally a Fleetwood Mac song, but I much prefer Lindsey's solo acoustic version. As I've stated infinite times, I prefer Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac, but Lindsey Buckingham is clearly insanely talented.
Oh, I'll build you a kingdom in that house on the hill

6. "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel
I doubt I'm really introducing this to anyone, but recently I've been craving this song incessantly. The video is unsurprisingly brilliant as well.
I've worked it out - I'll be stretching my mouth, to let those big words come right out

7. "Junker's Blues" by Champion Jack Dupree
I'll admit that I don't listen to as much blues as I should, but I love Champion Jack Dupree's voice and this song's badass lyrics attracted me pretty easily.
Some people crave for chicken, and some crave for a house steak, but when I get loaded, lawd, I don't want my milk and cake

8. "Death of an Electric Citizen" by the Edgar Broughton Band
Some more freak rock - if you're a Captain Beefheart fan, you might enjoy this heavy, bluesy band.

9. "Brick House" by the Commodores
Quite simply just a perfect song to git down to.
36-24-36 - ow, what a winning hand!

10. "Get Low" by Lil' Jon & the Eastside Boyz, feat. the Ying Yang Twins
Party hip-hop exactly how I like it: filthy. Whenever I start to feel a little bit guilty about liking this song, I remember that George Clinton loves it, and even covered part of it when I saw him in concert - and GC is never wrong.
Can I play with your pantyline? The club owner said I need to calm down

august 18

chocolate-coated, freaky and habit-forming

2009-07-22T17:35:00.005-07:00

Today is a pretty magical day and I have been able to feel it in the air - it crackles with the smooth electricity of Funk. You see, my friends, today is the day that Dr. Funkenstein himself, George Clinton, turns the big 6-8.

Yes, this will be a slack post, but it will also be a devilishly enjoyable one, for there is no soul on this planet that makes a picture come to life Harry Potter-style (yes, I saw Half-Blood Prince and, yes, it was freaking awesome) like George Clinton. For further proof, see my George Clinton tumblr. In the meantime, I challenge you to peruse this pictures without feeling your spirits being lifted.

I'm heading off to South Carolina so it's highly unlikely that I'll post again before late August. I hope your summers are phenomenal and if P-Funk is in your town, don't miss out. You won't regret it.
Sorry, but I probably won't have time to respond to comments - I feel pretty terrible about this, but I do love reading your comments and I do read a lot of your blogs!

tell me something good, tell me that you like it

2009-07-02T15:26:00.003-07:00

I had fully intended on blogging last week, but the very sudden and shocking death of one of my favourite musical artists left me simply too distraught. The irony of a day that I have dreaded for years (the day of Michael Jackson's death) coinciding with a day that I have excitedly anticipated for years (my 18th birthday) would have been comical had it not been so devastating. I don't really feel like doing a long tribute to MJ, as I can't imagine what I could possibly add to the many tributes done by casual fans.

Instead I will celebrate my birthday and graduation with an old Ashcan Rantings favourite - the songs that have been rockin' my world the hardest the past little while.

10 Songs I'm Into At the Moment

1. "If I'm In Luck, I Might Get Picked Up" by Betty Davis
Betty Davis is a bad mama-jama...I've fawned over her and her pure awesomeness before, but she continues to surprise me with her all-killer, no-filler albums. I got her self-titled debut for my birthday (thanks, Nicola!), completing my Betty Davis collection. This is the track I can't stop listening to.
"So all you lady haters, don't be cruel to me/Ah, don'tcha crush my velvet, don'tcha ruffle my feathers neither/I said I'm crazy, I'm wild/I said I'm nasty"

2. "Red Hot Mama" by Funkadelic
It's the spoken word introduction, first high-speed then screwed, that makes me turn this song on, but it's the heavy, badass guitar work (does Eddie Hazel ever let you down?) that keeps me from turning it off once the music drops.
"A luscious bitch she is, true/But it's not nice to fool Mother Nature/The proud Mother of God, like all ho's, is jealous of her own shadow"

3. "Worried Dream" by Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac
I'll emphasize once again that this is very different from Stevie Nicks' Fleetwood Mac - it's blues and this is a B.B. King cover. Anguished guitar and beautiful vocals, it's probably moved up to be one of my absolute favourite Fleetwood Mac songs. Listen to the version linked above rather than the one in the playlist - or, you know, both!

"It may sound silly to you, woman/Baby, but tell me my dream was not true"

4. "The Glamorous Life" by Sheila E.
It's no secret that I love Prince, and I love most of the music he's written for protegées, but this one in particular is a favourite. Sheila E stands out among his protegées as a strong woman who is actually talented (!) - she's a kickass drummer. Vocally, she's just mediocre, but, as with most pop music, it's all about the production.
"She said, I need a man's man, baby/Diamonds and furs/Love would only conquer my head"

5. "Respect My Conglomerate" by Busta Rhymes feat. Lil' Wayne and Jadakiss
I love Busta Rhymes, I love Lil' Wayne and I love any collaboration they make together.

"It's Bus Rhyyyymes, and I'm back/with the crack, and the thugs, and the drugs/ Nigga BLACK"

6. "If Tha Mood" by Esthero
Filthy and taunting and wicked - how could I do anything but love it?
"She won't fuck you like I do/She's not into that wild shit"

7. "Cherry Red" by Earthless
I know...I'm all over the place. But I love heavy, hard rock, and this band does not disappoint. You like Sabbath? Check 'em out.

8. "Give It to Me Right" by Melanie Fiona
You know, from the fact that it dares to sample the Zombie's immortal "Time of the Seasons", I assumed I was going to hate this song. I ended up really digging it, probably because I love this chick's voice. I think the sample was tastefully done and where I'm at right now, I'd rather be listening to this than the Zombies version! Blasphemy, yes, but I cannot tell a lie.
"I'm not, I'm not trying to run your life/That's why, that's why I'm nobody's wife/But when I want and when I want it, you gotta be ready"

9. "Tell Me Something Good" by Rufus
Not gonna lie - this song makes me think of That 70's Show, but really, that's not a bad thing. It's so purely joyful and, I must say, Kayla Hyne-esque. I can't get into most 70's funk bands because they all pale so profoundly when compared to P-Funk, but this song has definitely been sung by me on multiple occasions in the past month, often in public.
"Tell me something good!/Tell me that you like it, yeahh"

10. "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon feat. Dirt Nasty and Andre Legacy
"My dick...nuff said"

july 2/09

everybody knows from the coy little wink, the girl's got a lot on her mind

2009-06-23T13:06:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure there are no words in the human dictionary that describe how much I suck for not blogging or commenting in ages, but I think if there were, they would sound less like actual words and more like a large bird squawing in pain while being trampled by wildabeests. My bad!

I guess the only thing I can say to excuse my absence is that the weather has been gorgeous, I'm graduating from high school this week and it's my birthday on Thursday! So I have no tragic excuse, just happy ones! I have been busying myself with my online vintage store, and last weekend I photographed a whole bunch of new items in this gorgeous little graveyard. I hate for my first post in almost a month to be a long plug for my vintage store, but this is truly something I find interesting, exciting and feel passionate about - and I think you'll probably enjoy it as well!

70's Bright Psychedelic Hawaiian Print Maxi Dress
I really wanted this to be my grad dress, but it was a bit too small for me. It's so bright and so fun, I'm going to be infinitely jealous of whoever ends up with it.

Blue Embroidered Mexican Eyelet Dress
Absolutely gorgeous colour - with beautiful embroidered butterflies.

70's Brown Psychedelic Mini
Sure, it's simple, but it has a very flattering fit and is a good length.
Leopard-Print Fleur-de-Lis Rich Hippie Caftan
Unfortunately, the colours didn't turn out very well in the pictures, but it's a very rich looking piece, incredibly classy. Floral Hippie Off-Shoulder Peasant Mini Dress
If I wasn't cursed with very short legs, I would definitely be rockin' this allll summer long. It needs a long-legged woman to wear it to its full potential.Psychedelic Animal-Print Mazatlan Minidress
This dress is so mind-blowingly cool - animal print, a jungle scene, psychedelic birds of paradise...the word "Mazatlan"...yeah, you can't resist this, don't even try!
70's Floral Accordion Pleat Hippie Caftan
Accordian pleat! Yes, that is the sound of all your quirky pleat dreams coming true.

Purple Floral Wrap Skirt/Dress
Another one that I was tempted to keep for myself, but I have a skirt/dress almost the exact same colour so I figured I'd pass on the love.
70's Red Psychedelic Hippie Maxi Dress
Rich colours, bold psychedelic/paisley pattern....go head now, you hippie you.
70's Smoking Lady High-Waisted Maxi Skirt
I'm usually not a fan of full-length skirts, but how could I possibly resist this print? A smoking lady....genius.
70's Sleeveless Rainbow Striped Long Dress
This dress totally elongates the body - as vertical stripes are known to do - and is pretty flattering. It gives shorter girls like myself some semblances of height, and it makes taller girls look like freaking supermodels. Love the colours too.
70's Striped Zip-up Maxi Dress
Because this is made of terrycloth, it is the most perfect swimsuit cover up - like wearing a beautiful, comfortable, stylish towel! The pleats and V-neck keep it very flattering.

I will try, try, try to post more often, but it is now summer, so no promises!

so kind of you to bless us with your effortless, we're grateful and so strangely comforted

2009-06-02T17:23:00.002-07:00

Well, it's time for another exciting round of lookin' boy - oh, wait, no...it's just me making fun of the bizarre Google searches people made to end up on my blog, but the snark levels are still on high. Yo mama so slow she can't cook minute rice lookin' boy - zingggg. I've done it before - in January and in April, so I don't feel like re-explaining how this goes down. I'ma call "watch and learn" on this one.

"damn clip"
(Europe)
This is just plain intriguing. The location? Mysteriously, Europe. France? Estonia? Belgium? We'll never know. And what clip? A film clip? A paperclip? And why is it damned?
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
They have left me with infinite questions and no answers.

"am i creater of the world i feel that im the only one like me i think im all that but wat am i"
(Kentucky)
You're a teenaged boy smoking pot for the first time.
And I thought they did it up fried, not baked, in Kentucky! Ohhh, snap, I got some lookin' boy in me, yet.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
The correct spelling of "what"? I can only hope so.

"males forced into silks"
(Strathpine, Australia)
Oh, beautifully reminiscent of "men forced into silk nightgowns"...now that it's happened twice, one must wonder - is this a "thing"? Or are there really just two individuals out there with a yearning to see the simple yet surely-hilarious image that is men being forced into silk? If the latter, well, I guess that's what the world means when it says "soulmates". If the former...somebody hook me up with whatever is inspiring people to Google such awesomeness.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Sadly, no. But if either of these people see this, perhaps it will give them hope that there is somebody else out there for them. Or maybe just frustrate the fuck out of them that they're so far away.

"alex turner wants to have children"
(Kingston, UK)
Not sure if this is a declarative by a very well-placed source or somebody looking for a confirmation, but the main point is...why do you need to know? Are you thinking you might possibly be the owners of the ovaries that will aid in bearing said children? Because I'm sure that Alex Turner has placed high on his list of qualities he seeks in a baby mama "Googles my feelings on procreation".
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
A swift scissor-kick to the ego? You betcha.

"pinky nail of the devil"
(West Virginia)
I will bet you $100 that this was a teenaged boy Googling to make sure nobody has already taken the band name Pinky Nail of the Devil because he wants to use it for his heavy metal garage band.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No. I have no idea how this even linked them to my blog at all.

"when a we boy bits his lip wat dose it mean"
(Belfast)
As something of a spelling/grammar Nazi, you know I had a field day with this. I can't decide if it's meant to be "When a boy bites his lip, what does it mean?" (technically: "What does it mean when a boy bites his lip?"), but the "we" throws me off. Surely they can't be asking "When a wee boy bites his lip, what does it mean?" In any case, I don't think Google has the answers you're looking for, hun.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Because I'm such a giver, I attempted to look up the answer to this with the trusted (?!) help of cosmpolitain.com. I got so disgusted with the colour scheme and blandly attractive faces that I left and went to cracked.com after a couple minutes, so I didn't solve the lip-biting query, but I did learn that when a man tilts his head and shrugs his shoulders while looking at you it means he's deeply in love with you and you guyz are gonna be married 4 eva. So, bear that in mind, kids.

Sorry for the lack of pictures, I know I've been slacking, but the weather has been exceptional lately.

y'all don't wanna hear me, you just wanna dance

2009-05-25T11:03:00.019-07:00

I really don't know whether this will be a shock to you or not, but I love pop music. Bring me your vapid, shallow, empty, AutoTune-soaked, emotionless masses and I will consume. Yeah, you're talking about somebody who actually got excited when Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" came on the radio yesterday - "Oh, man, haven't heard this one in ages!" - and then proceeded to get into an indepth discussion on whether the lyrics on the original (I have the CD) are actually "Shawty wanna fuck" or "Shawty wanna hump". (It is in fact "hump", and I just found myself thinking that the first verse is pretty romantic)
For awhile, I tried to deny my true feelings about pop music, but then I realized that if it makes me so happy, why fight it? Since I'm getting fully confessional on ya, I'll tell you that I have within the past hour danced to NSYNC. Will you still respect me in the morning?
Anyway, I'm going to lay on you my favourite pop songs of the 00's - and I'm talking the type of pop songs that you'd actually hear on the radio (probably fairly regularly), not just any song released by a pop artist. Sorry, Britney's "Why Should I Be Sad".

My Top 5 Favourite Pop Songs of the 00's:

5. "Kiss Kiss" by Chris Brown feat. T-Pain
I can never resist this one...from "Yo, this is Nappy Boy Radio live with your boy T-Pain, we love. Rap music." to "Five, four, three, zero, yeah", I'm hooked. Though, I'm obviously unimpressed by Chris Brown's recent, uh, douchebaggery, but I ain't gonna be hatin' at his anatomy - this is about the music, and most of the props must go to T-Pain. Any guy who throws a one-two "I got money on me" "Let's hit McDonald's" punch has got my interest. If he's actually got money on him, this McDonald's feast should be one of the record books indeed. Maybe he'd even spring for a milkshake...

4. "1 Thing" by Amerie
I love pretty much all things Amerie (who else would throw an Emerson, Lake and Palmer sample on a R&B joint? Nevermind that it turned out mediocre...it's the idea that counts!) but the ridiculously awesome drums are what make "1 Thing" so special. I also adore Amerie's voice - raspy-ish, but still pretty.

3. "Me & U" by Cassie

This is a tough one to explain. She can't sing. The lyrics are unspeakably stupid. The beat is generic. And yet, it's just so good. It's almost....hypnotizing in its mediocrity, but it makes me feel amazing.

2. "Promise" by Ciara

I have so much love for this song because it's so heavily Prince-influenced. The drum machine in particular makes it sound like one of those kinky little numbers he produces for his talentless protegées. Again, not a lot of vocal power here, but it's fully unnecessary - the stellar production speaks for itself.

1. "Hey Ya" by Outkast
So genius in that its both 100% a pop song and simultaneously not pop at all. Its far too unique and bizarre to be pop, but its too fun, happy and, well, pop-y to be anything but. If you haven't heard it since its assault on every kind of radio station ever faded out, give it another go - I can understand how hearing it 32353084390 per minute made you a bit tired of it, but now your brain has rested and you are ready to plunge into the magical world of Andre 3000 once more. The video is fully worth your time as well.

top 5 pop songs of the 00s
(Click on the link to hear the songs in their entirety)

you have a way of walkin' round, your feet they never touch the ground

2009-05-20T12:36:00.012-07:00

Even if I don't talk about them as much as a lot of other bands, Jefferson Airplane has been a consistent presence in my life for years. After Bathing at Baxter's is one of my favourite albums of all time, and when this-wheel's-on-fire suggested a top 5 Jefferson Airplane list, I knew it was definitely a good call. Unlike most people, I actually prefer Paul Kantner's songs to Grace Slick's - I love his voice. But, really, they're all good.

1. "Watch Her Ride" from After Bathing at Baxter's

2. "Comin' Back to Me" from Surrealistic Pillow

3. "Two Heads" from After Bathing at Baxter's

4. "Young Girl Sunday Blues" from After Bathing at Baxter's

5. "She Has Funny Cars" from Surrealistic Pillow

I feel lazy not doing write-ups (wait...I don't just "feel", I am lazy), but there really isn't much to say. Jefferson Airplane rules, plain and simple.

JEFFERSON AIRPLANE
(Click on the link to hear the songs in their entirety)

P.S. The lovely Miss Eyeliah over at Style Symmetry is celebrating her 1000th post (congratulations!) with a give-away - so check that ish out!

and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

2009-05-17T19:34:00.003-07:00

Fleetwood Mac totally exceeded my expectations. I gotta say - Lindsay Buckingham is a bad mama jama. He busted out an incredibly epic guitar solo on "I'm So Afraid", and when they did "Oh Well" - a Peter Green track - Nicola and I screamed, hugged and near-cried. Stevie was looking gorgeous, and did a couple costume changes. (Check out her dancing with her scarf a bit here.)Mick Fleetwood had a stellar 7-minute solo near the end and whenever the Jumbotron (is that what they're called?) landed on him, he had excellent facial expressions. John McVie was on the opposite side of the stage, so I couldn't really see him, but I'm sure he was chillin'. I'd chosen 5 songs I wanted to hear - "Oh Well", "Tusk", "Dreams", "Gold Dust Woman" and "The Chain", and lucky me (as usual), I got to hear them all.

Anyway, WAT wants to know my Top 5 Beatles songs and, though it's a tough request, I think I can give it to ya. Though I respect them a lot, I don't listen to the Beatles very often, but when I do I much prefer late-era Beatles. One guess at my favourite two Beatles albums...

My Top 5 Favourite Beatles Songs:

1. "The End" from Abbey Road
I love love love hearing John, Paul and George trading off solos on this one. Each has such a distinctive playing sound, and Ringo ain't lagging either.

2. "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" from Abbey Road
Heavy indeed. I love Eddie Hazel's cover, but I must confess that the original is still tops. I love hearing the Beatles dark.

3. "Glass Onion" from The Beatles
"Pop! Pop! Pop! I told you bout strawberry fields" - love the opening. Mocking the fans that over-analyze all the tiny details, it does leave me wondering....what's a "dovetail joint"? I've asked some of the biggest stoners I know, and nobody seems to be aware of this term.

4. "You Never Give Me Your Money" from Abbey Road
I really can't think of anything to say about this besides that it's an amazing song all-around.

5. "Happiness is a Warm Gun" from The Beatles

You know, I was this close to giving this spot to "For No One", but the "She's not a girl who misses much..." intro did not allow me to exclude this song. Anybody who says "The Beatles Aren't That Good" (yeah, all 11 of you) are pretty much retarded.

I just realized I forgot to post the playlist....my bad, here ya go:

THE BEATLES

if you don't love me now, you will never love me again

2009-05-14T12:54:00.004-07:00

Seeing as how tomorrow I'm going to be seeing Fleetwood Mac (well...if it's not cancelled), I think it would be fitting to tell you my favourite Fleetwood Mac songs. Since I couldn't decide whether I should give you my favourite Peter Green Fleetwood Mac songs (since they are the version of Fleetwood Mac I prefer) or my favourite Stevie Nicks Fleetwood Mac songs (since they are the version I'm seeing in concert), I'll simply have to give you both.
Just to remind you, the distinction is that Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac is late-60's/early 70's blues-rock, while Stevie Nicks' Fleetwood Mac is mid-late 70's California pop.

My Top 5 Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac Songs

1. "Before the Beginning" from Then Play On

2. "The Green Manalishi"
You may perchance be familiar with the Judas Priest cover, but - obviously - I prefer the original. For one thing, a Fleetwood Mac song without Peter Green's heavenly voice is automatically a lesser Fleetwood Mac song.

3. "Oh Well" from Then Play On

As infuriating as it is to hear the incredibly sexy Peter Green (who was gifted with one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard) say "I can't help it bout the shape I'm in, I can't sing, I ain't pretty and my legs are thin", the stupendous guitar riff makes this song classic. It's also the Peter Green song we have the best chance of hearing the current incarnation cover tomorrow night.
And if you watch the video linked above, you will not regret it, as you will be gifted with Peter Green's breathtaking smile and laugh.

4. "Man Of the World"

The gorgeous contrast of the fast and slow parts are what make this song interesting. I really love the fast parts, but know they wouldn't be as good without the slow parts to contrast them.

5. "Worried Dream"
Written by B.B. King (who, for the record, once stated that Peter Green was the only guitarist alive he was scared of), this incredibly blues-y track wrenches right to the very soul.

PETER GREENS FLEETWOOD MAC

My Top 5 Favourite Stevie/Lindsay Fleetwood Mac Songs:

1. "Tusk" from Tusk
This labouring Buckingham-penned track is my favourite late-era Fleetwood Mac song. Special bonus: Listen closely around 2:11..."real savage-like".

2. "The Chain" from Rumours
This might be my favourite Fleetwood Mac song. We all know I'm a sucker for a good bassline.

3. "Dreams" from Rumours
I particularly like the bridge of this song, and the lyrics.

4. "Gold Dust Woman" from Rumours
Forget what you heard...Stevie Nicks said in an interview that she wrote this song before she was a coke addict. Still, it's an awesome track.

5. "I'm So Afraid" from Fleetwood Mac
I was convinced for so long that that was Christine singing, but it's Lindsay. If you're a fan of goodlooking guys with stellar hair shredding on their guitars, check out that link above. I wouldn't letcha down.

STEVIE/LINDSAY FLEETWOOD MAC

it's busta rhymes bitch, i ain't never fail ya

2009-05-12T19:41:00.003-07:00

I've only been getting into Busta Rhymes this past month or so, but I'm definitely digging what I see and hear thus far. I'm not gonna lie, the supreme awesomeness of his videos definitely helped fan the flame of my love for him. I'm tempted check him (and Big Boi and Talib Kweli!) out at the Rock the Bells tour this summer.

My Top 5 Favourite Busta Rhymes Songs:

1. "Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water On 'Em)" from Back on my BS
I got into this song thanks to the phenomenal ACDC (Adam/Chu Dance Crew) video. I especially love that he says "Got niggas wonderin when I'm gonna bring the hook in" because I've always noticed that about Busta Rhymes songs - you can never tell when he's gonna let the hook drop. The video is awesome, with Busta playing King Kong, a newscaster, a James Brown-like character, a fireman, a "fly 80's fella" and himself in various brightly coloured parkas.

2. "Light Your Ass On Fire"

Hahahaha
That's really just the immediate reaction to this song. One of those songs that, if you're not easily offended, is just a pleasure to listen to. With every "Hmm", my heart sings. Some choice one-liners: "See the police gon' jail ya/For walking around wit the kind of ass that'll kill ya now/Don't worry bout it I got money to bail ya/Shorty stacking like a mule, type of shit that'll scare ya" and "You need a - a chiropractor just to marry yo ass/To tell the truth you need a tractor just to carry yo ass".
Preach!

3. "Touch It" from The Big Bang

The highlights of this songs are definitely the "Get low, Bus"/"TURN IT UP!"'s - they set the tone. Speaking of which, Busta Rhymes is a genius with contrasting his vocals, and its particularly noticeable here.

4. "I Love My Chick"/"I Love My Bitch" from The Big Bang

The video has a black-Mr.-and-Mrs.-Smith theme featuring the gorgeous Gabrielle Union, plus a Dr. Dre cameo. I have strong feelings that this is an incredibly romantic song, even though I must admit hearing his girlfriend referred to as his "bitch" that many times in one song makes me prefer the clean version.

5. "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See" from When Disaster Strikes

Definitely one of the songs that is made, in my eyes, by the video. Still, the song ain't half bad itself...I especially like the reference to a "thug named Julio, he moody yo".

BUSTA RHYMES
(Click on the link to hear the songs in their entirety)

feels so good, feels so good, don't wanna move, don't wanna move, feels so good, feels so good, wanna move, wanna move

2009-05-11T10:38:00.002-07:00

There's a lot of things that make Sly & the Family Stone great, but I've got two personal favourite elements: vocals and bass. On most given Sly songs, you can enjoy some super wormy basslines comin' atcha hard, courtesy of either Larry Graham or Sly Stone himself. And if that's not enough you can enjoy Brother Freddie's gospel voice, Larry Graham's deep chants and, most of all, Sly's extremely versatile singing.
I'll stop teasing and bring you, thanks to a suggestion by this wheel's on fire,

My Top 5 Favourite Sly & the Family Stone songs:

1. "If You Want Me To Stay" from Fresh

It only takes about ten seconds for this song to let you know what I mean when I say the awesome-ness of Sly & the Family Stone boils down to bass and vocals. And that's Sly on bass and vocals - bow down.
Also, he's probably one of the most versatile vocalists ever.

2. "Luv'n'Haight" from There's a Riot Goin' On
Quite possibly the most chill-without-fully-putting-one-to-sleep song I've ever heard. I don't know whether I should be dancing or lying down when listening to it. Perfect example of chill funk.

3. "Skin I'm In" from Fresh
I can't say it enough: BASS and VOCALS.
First you get treated to 35 seconds of slippery bassline, letting anticipation build and build until it explodes with one of Sly's magnificent screams.

4. "Jane is a Groupee" from Life
Released before "groupie" was even a common term with established spelling, this wickedly delightful track serenades the type of girl who sleeps with the band for the their fame, not the music - Jane ain't no Band Aid. With a pass-the-baton vocal style that was their trademark, I also love it because I adore Brother Freddie's voice even if it's not as versatile as Sly's.
Or, as Jane would say, "Say, hey, Freddie, I like you, when you play the blues you make me blue...I'd like to go around with you, too"

5. "M'Lady" from Life
Often dismissed as a "Dance to the Music" rip-off, I much prefer it to that more wellknown hit. In fact, I can sum of my feelings for this song with lyrics from it: "She's a winner, hey? Give her some attention/Just thought I'd mention it"

SLY & THE FAMILY STONE

don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight, don't blame it on the good times...blame it on the boogie

2009-05-08T15:24:00.002-07:00

I know it might be a bold statement, but I think I'd consider the Jackson 5 to be the greatest pop group of all time. In terms of what pop music is generally considered to be, nobody does it like them.
On top of their musical talents, they were extremely snappy dressers. When shopping for menswear for my online vintage store, I often ask myself, "Would the Jackson 5 wear this?" If not, no dice.
So, without further ado, I bring you

My Top 5 Favourite Jackson 5 Songs:

1. "The Love You Save"
Everybody knows I'm a very loyal Michael Jackson fan, but what makes a lot of Jackson 5 songs for me is Jermaine. I love his voice and it can feel like a cool drink of water after the scorching(ly awesome) sun that is Michael's more high-pitched voice. They go together beautifully. Jermaine really steals the show around the 2 minute mark, and then again at 2:43.
It took me literally about 4 years to understand what they meant by "Stop, the love you save may be your own", until somebody finally explained to me that it was a play on a seatbelt campaign of the time that used the slogan, "Stop, the life you save may be your own." Ahh....gotcha.

2. "I'll Bet You"
When I first heard George Clinton had written a song for the Jackson 5, I was a little bit frightened. It was too good to be true...how could so many forces of excellence bind together without diminishing in awesomeness. Once again, I played the fool: I always forget that, in the immortal words of T-Pain, "Greatness plus greatness equals great greatness", and that "too much of a good thing" is a myth. Both the Jackson 5 version and the Funkadelic version are fantastic, but as a long time Jackson family, uh, interest-taker, it was fun to hear all the boys take their turns on lead vocals.
And, it must be pointed out, once again, Jermaine's voice is like a beautiful ray of sunshine through a cloudy day.

3. "Blame It On the Boogie"
Okay, I know technically this is The Jacksons, but I love this song so much I had to throw it on here. One of the best dancing songs I've ever heard, it also features a more mature-sounding Michael...1978 to be exact, so he was 20.
Plus anybody who knows anything about MJ's personal life knows that it's ironic for him to be complaining that his girlfriend is "always dancing/and it wouldn't be a bad thing/but I don't get no lovin'/And that's no lie".
Still, you can hardly blame the girl with a bassline like this.

4. "The Life of the Party"
Another late-era Jackson 5, this ridiculously fun track is, as promised, an excellent party track. I always end up liking disco a lot more than I think I do, and I've been dancing around my kitchen to this one on a daily basis the past month. This one also reinforces my theory that Michael Jackson is the best ad-libber to ever live, though I gotta admit, it's weird hearing him call a girl a "sexy mama" - we all know MJ ain't like that.
And, as usual, Jermaine adds a lot with his more gospel-style voice.

5. "I Want You Back"
Ha, you thought you were gonna make it through the list without "I Want You Back" didn't you? No such luck...I know I've been bestowing superlatives on the Jacksons left and right, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't suspect that this song might be the greatest pop song of all time. Top 5, at least. My only complaint?
Not enough Jermaine.

JACKSON 5
(Click on the link to hear the songs in their entirety)

i'll let you be in my dreams if i can be in yours

2009-05-07T14:28:00.004-07:00

Looks like this next list is not gonna be a tough choice: there are multiple votes, kicked off by Sister Libby, for a Bob Dylan Top 5 list. I guess the interesting thing about my musical "relationship" with Bob Dylan is that I prefer his more recent, blues-y stuff to his classic folk songs.
I must dedicate this post to my good pal Michele, who is undoubtedly among Dylan's most loyal and devoted followers.

My Top 5 Favourite Bob Dylan Songs

1. "Things Have Changed" from the Wonder Boys soundtrack
This has been my favourite Bob Dylan song since I first started listening to him about five years ago. It would be insultingly obvious to state that the lyrics are incredible. I in particular get a kick out of the line "Gonna take dancing lessons, do the jitterbug right"
Bob Dylan jitterbugging....people are crazy and times are strange, indeed.

2. "Dreamin' Of You" from The Bootleg Series Vol. 8: Tell Tale Signs

Recorded in the late 90's but unreleased until 2008, this song shows a side of Dylan I've always found intriguing: lovestruck. To me, Dylan is more of an entity than a person, and it's hard to imagine him being infatuated with a lowly human. And yet, he writes such honest and striking love songs.

3. "Ballad of a Thin Man" from Highway 61 Revisited
Sure, I prefer recent Dylan but that doesn't mean I've fully neglected his excellent 60's stuff. The version on the playlist below isn't quite the ideal but I do love his derisive tone. I got hipped to this song the first time I saw Dylan in concert, in 2005, when he did an awesome version of it.

4. "Love Sick" from Time Out of Mind

The soundtrack for Dylan's infamous Victoria's Secret "sell out", this is another case of seeing the unexpected vulnerabilites of Dylan in love. It's beyond bizarre to hear his plaint of "I just don't know what to do, I'd give anything to be with you" - what kind of woman in her right mind would reject Dylan?
It's a sick world out there.

5. "It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)" from Bringing It All Back Home
Probably one of Dylan's most quotable songs, it definitely goes without saying that the lyrics are astonishingly good, but my favourite part is the swift guitar...riff. Would you call it a "riff"? In any case, this brilliant track not only says a lot but it really says something.

BOB DYLAN

Which artist next? It's all in your hands!

don't worry....i won't hurt you, i only want you to have some fun

2009-05-06T09:25:00.005-07:00

Well, here it is.
It was inevitable but I didn't think so early in my top-five-songs-by-a-particular-artist month I would have to tackle him. But the divine this-wheel's-on-fire has put in a request for my top five favourite Prince songs, and I just can't say no to her. I'm going to exclude my absolute favourite Prince song because it feels way too personal to be discussing on a public blog, but here are my favourites, as best as I can figure them out.

My Top 5 Favourite Prince Songs:
1. "If I Was Ur Girlfriend" from Sign 'O' the Times
Quite simply one of the most arresting, astonishing and gripping songs of all time.

2. "Adore" from Sign 'O' the Times
In many ways, a fairly typical, almost-cliched love song. And, yet, somehow it's so much more. Listening to "If I Was Ur Girlfriend", a highly unique love song and "Adore", a more traditional one, it's pretty clear that nobody does love songs like Prince.

3. "Shockadelica" (B-side)
The B-side to "If I Was Ur Girlfriend", it also has Camille on lead vocals (hint for those of you who don't feel like clicking the link: Prince is Camille). I've always loved songs that describe a mysteriously unique woman. "The girl must be a witch/She's got your mind, body and soul hitched/Shockadelica/You need a second opinion/But she never wears a stitch/So you can't take her home/She's got you tied with a golden rope/She won't let you play your guitar/And when you've cried enough/Maybe she'll let you up/For a nasty ride in her shockadeli-car"

4. "Anotherloverholenyohead" from Parade

Fun fact: Three of the songs on this list are about a woman named Susannah Melvoin, the twin sister of Prince's guitarist Wendy (that's Wendy faking oral sex on him onstage in the above picture). "Adore" and "If I Was Ur Girlfriend" are both believed to be about Susannah, whom some call the love of Prince's life, but she didn't just get the romantic songs. This uptempo number hypocritically chides her, "You need another lover like you need a hole in your head." Bonus insult: Susannah's one of the women singing backup.

5. "Something In the Water (Does Not Compute)" from 1999

This is the earliest Prince song on the list, with the sped-up electro feel that was common in his early-80's style. I absolutely love the lyrics, particularly "Bitch...you think you're special? Well, so do I" It also features one of Prince's phenomenal screams around the 2 minute mark.

PRINCE
(Click on the link to hear the songs in their entirety)

Any other suggestions of artists (that I'm into) to make such a list about?

listen, partner, i ain't no cheap thrill - cause ms. badu always comin' for real and you know the deal

2009-05-03T19:11:00.002-07:00

My Erykah Badu girlcrush has been out of control this past week. I love her conversational and thoroughly honest lyrics, her uniquely beautiful voice and her chill, hip-hop groove. I'm going to share with you my top five Erykah Badu songs as of right now.
In fact, I think this month, the fifth month, I'll have a running series on my top five songs by various artists. So if there are any artists where you've always wondered what my top five favourites of their songs are (awkwardest sentence....ever), I definitely welcome suggestions.
Anyway, if the following pictures and songs can't convince you that Erykah Badu is one of the coolest women alive, I've got three more words for you:
Seven, Puma and Mars.
Yeah, those are her children.

My Top Five Erykah Badu songs:
1. "Honey" from New Amerykah Part One (4th World War)
This chill, 70's-style groove has definitely been my song du jour. I adore the lyrics, oozing with the promise of relaxed romance that keeps one guessing...my favourite kind!

2. "Tyrone" from Live
I love any song that starts out with "I'm gettin' tired of yo' shit/You don't never buy me nothin'" This live-only gem has got awesomely badass lyrics and, if you watch the video, Ms. Badu accompanies them with delightful facial expressions. Unfortunately, the only Youtube video I can find cuts out the curse words, has mismatched audio and a fuzzy picture quality. Shame.
And if neo-soul ain't your thing, check out My Morning Jacket covering "Tyrone" with Erykah Badu, live.

3. "Booty" from Mama's Gun
Supertight drums are only the icing on the cake on this fantastic number. This is another one that's alll about the sublime lyrics. Basically Erykah Badu counts off all the ways your boyfriend prefers her, before reassuring you that she's not gonna steal your man - she doesn't want him, "cause of what he doin' to you".
I think many of my friends would agree I need to take this song pretty close to heart.

4. "Love of My Life (Ode to Hip-Hop)" from the Brown Sugar soundtrack
From the soundtrack of one of the only romantic comedies I've enjoyed, this is a chill, soulful number - okay, I need to stop saying that. I guess they all are! But, like Common's (who is featured on this) hip-hop classic "I Used to Love H.E.R.", this one imagines hip-hop as a person - in this case, a lover whose "words were very nice."

5. "Appletree" from Baduizm
With inspirational lyrics affirming that self-confidence is one of the most important traits, this track shows off Erykah Badu's killer vocal skills and jazz influence.
"I pick my friends like I pick my fruit/My ganny told me that when I was only a youth/I don't walk around tryin' to be what I'm not/I don't waste my time tryin' to get what you got/I work at pleasing me cuz I can't please you/And that's why I do what I do/My soul flies free like a willow tree"

ERYKAH BADU

Who else would you like to see a Top Five list about?

i'm in the mood, the rhythm is right

2009-04-30T11:40:00.002-07:00

Music and movies are two very separate and wonderful things, and as is often the case when two wonderful things collide, adding the right music to the right moment in the right movie can be explosively great. Disney is a master of this, but I've covered that. Here are a few of my favourite examples (of the non-animated kind):

A Clockwork Orange and Beethoven's 9th Symphony
This is really the perfect example of what I'm talking about. Beethoven's music deeply permeates this film, which I just adore. Beethoven is one of the only classical composers I listen to and it's because his work is so deliciously dramatic. Alex really says it best (in my favourite quote from a book ever): "Oh, bliss, bliss and heaven - oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now."
It's easy to associate the piece with A Clockwork Orange, but the movie doesn't own it. The song is so rich and complex that it cannot be "stolen" that easily.

Harold and Maude and Cat Steven's "If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out"
A gorgeously simplistic song that sums up the theme of the film, and gives it an inspiring finish.

Dazed and Confused and any rock song from the 70's with "ride" in the title
Once you've seen the movie, have you ever heard "Slow Ride", "Lowrider" or "Free Ride" without instantly flashing back to the oh-so-joyous memories of watching Dazed and Confused? Yes? Then you just haven't seen it enough times.
It also has the distinguishing feature of making KISS almost enjoyable.

The Big Lebowski and First Edition's "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)"
First of all, it's weird that Kenny Rogers was in a pseudo-psychedelic band to begin with. But this song is awesome and conveys such vivid images of the Dude's badass dance skills that it's almost impossible to listen to without enjoying.

Almost Famous and Elton John's "Tiny Dancer"
There is no song that's transformed by a movie quite like "Tiny Dancer". I'll admit that I'm not a huge Elton John fan, but after watching the absolutely fantastic tourbus sing-along, it sends chills down my spine.
As well, Led Zeppelin's "Misty Mountain Hop" gives immediate images of plane-boarding and rock-star life.
Like Dazed and Confused, every song on the soundtrack becomes amazing because it reminds you of what a great movie you saw it with.

i don't go round trying to be what i'm not, i don't waste my time trying to get what you got

2009-04-27T11:07:00.005-07:00

Stuff That Impress Me:

How somebody manages to find a way to rhyme "ballin' ya" with "angels calling us" in that mediocre Lil' Wayne song "Mrs. Officer"

Exactly how far VH1 can push their spinoffs. Case in point: The Surreal Life becomes Strange Love which turns into Flavor of Love which produces I Love New York which gifted the world with Real, the love of my short life and Real Chance at Love.
This whole Miss California debate and how far beyond the point it's reached. Even though I personally believe gay people should be allowed to wed, I've gotta side with Miss California on this one. She was asked a straightforward question and she answered it honestly and, I thought, pretty diplomatically. With all the furor, I'd thought for sure that she'd revealed a forked tongue and screamed "FAGS MUST DIE" into the microphone. I'd really like to establish that I do support gay marriage and I do think beauty pagaents are silly and shallow, but how people are treating her is cruel and damn near hypocritical. She's not actually denying anyone of their rights - she's just saying her opinion.
This picture. Too. Much. Awesomeness. Cannot. Compute.

Lady Gaga's acoustic piano performances - how she takes her dance-pop hits and then plays them live just her and a piano, usually incredibly dramatically. I love it, this is how pop music should be.
Life, and how it always works out. And spring!!

fly free, baby, fine with me - i'm in love with a bumblebee

2009-04-21T18:05:00.004-07:00

10 Songs I'm Into At the Moment

1. "I'll Bet You" by the Jackson 5
Fun fact: George Clinton wrote this piece, and it shows - it's definitely a bit darker than most Jackson 5. With a killer bassline (my favourite kind) and a pass-the-baton vocal style that lets all the boys shine, this song just reminds you what a stellar pop band the Jackson 5 were.
You should also check out Funkadelic's version, which is badass.

2. "Honey" by Erykah Badu
I'm starting to suspect Erykah Badu must be one of the coolest women alive. First of all, the song by itself is awesome. I love the lyrics and her voice is incredible. But the bonus? Click on the link above and enjoy the insidiously funny, beautifully shot video. My favourite allusions were the Funkadelic reference at 00:50 and the play on her ex-boyfriend Andre 3000's "Hey Ya" video at 2:40. I can also definitely get behind the "SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL RECORD STORE!!!!!" moral too.

3. "Need a Boss" by Shareefa

I know this song's pretty old (as in...2006) but, like "I Wanna Hold Your Hand", it reflects an innermost desire that lives within us all. Who among us doesn't need "a boss like hey/who's flossin' like hey"? Especially when we're walking in slow motion away from a large explosion, our asymmetrical haircuts blowing in the breeze. But don't confuse the "need" of the title with anything but feminism: "Anything I want I cop it/I just want somebody to get fly wit/I got what I need, but can you top it?"
Word, Shareefa. Word.

4. "I Call My Baby Pussycat" by Funkadelic

The studio version? No good. (And by "no good" I mean "infinitely better than 99% of the music currently in existance but not in my top 50 Funkadelic songs") The 1971 Live at Meadowbrook version? I sat here for five minutes staring at the screen trying to think of words to describe the pure awesomeness of the live version of "I Call My Baby Pussycat." That first guitar riff sends a shiver of ecstasy to my core.

5. "I'm So Green" by Can
Looking for the perfect song for spring? I gotcha covered! This experimental German band brings you this freak-rock track, with a laboring groove and far out lyrics. Special bonus of having "green" in the title.

6. "Bret, You've Got It Goin' On" by the Flight of the Conchords
It's a shame really that it took me so long to get into the Flight of the Conchords. But, like nobody in my family ever really seems to say, better late than never. This is my favourite song of theirs, and just for the record? Bret does have it goin' on. I'm feelin' a little needy for a weedy, shy guy.

7. "From the Bottom of My Soul" by Eddie Hazel
Eddie Hazel never fails! Except, er, those years he spent in prison for assault and drug possession. But no mind - this gorgeously soulful track was previously unreleased, but I snagged it on vinyl as a bonus track of a "Maggot Brain" EP. In fact, I sort of think of it as being a "Maggot Brain" of the voice - instead of baring his soul through his guitar, he does it vocally. I didn't find out until a few months ago that Eddie Hazel actually has an incredibly singing voice, and he definitely proves it here.

8. "Gee" by SNSD (Girl Generation)
This video is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. I've never really listened to Korean pop music before, but this video made me love the song. My favourites are the two with blue pants. I generally prefer not to refer to people over the age of 5 as "cute", but with these girls, there's no other way. And make sure you pay attention to the English subtitles translating the lyrics! "Your heart is so pretty, I was captured at first glance, caught so closely/I can't touch it because it's so hot, I'm engulfed in love's fire completely" is a personal favourite.

9. "(Fooled Me Again) Honest Eyes" by Lady Gaga
I maintain that I'm more of a fan of Lady Gaga's image than her actual music, but this song impresses me. Her voice sounds excellent on this Freddie Mercury-esque track and the lyrics are great.

10. "Physical Love" by Bootsy's Rubber Band
The third song on this list featuring guitar by Mr. Eddie Hazel! This kinky track is filled with classic Bootsy humour. This album was made using Bootsy's alter ego Casper the Ghost ("kind of friendly when I want to be, and funky otherwise"). Good hedonistic fun!

april 21

she's a dancing interpretation of the meaning of syncopation

2009-04-20T18:36:00.002-07:00

List one book you think everyone should read this year.A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. Not only is it a beautifully written, fantastically entertaining book, but it has an important message about mind control and the role of government in everyday actions. It's definitely a book that you have to want to read, as it's written in the fictional futuristic "Nadsat" slang - the first time I succeeded in reading it, I needed a translator page for the first third of the book (eventually you get used to the words). Rarely do I feel as if my brain is expanding while being so thoroughly entertained.
The movie is awesome too.

What is your favourite thing about your hometown?
I am rabidly in love with Victoria, but if I could only pick one thing to love about it, I guess it would be the variety of people. I've begun to realize that there are so many towns where most of the people are pretty much the same, and you could never say that about Victoria. So, as much as I roll my eyes at the scene kids who loiter outside the Bay Centre, I guess I kind of appreciate in a small way that they're there. In a small, indirect way.

Incorrectly complete these Fall Out Boy lyrics: "This ain't a scene, it's a(n) _______" [be creative]

This ain't a scene, it's a reluctant decision to co-opreate with this question.

What would you title your autobiography and how many pages would it be?
Gotta Be, Gotta be Freak of the Week: How My Career as P-Funk Back-up Dancer Led To Marrying Andre 3000 and it would be as many pages as it takes, baby.

What was the best Christmas gift you've received?

I usually receive lots of smaller things like albums, DVDs, clothes, so there's not really one huge specific gift that stands out. I've been listening to my Chocolate City LP a lot though!

What's one new thing you learned this week?
"The time at which the conditioned stimulus (CS) and unconditioned stimulus (UCS) are presented is an important factor in the acquisition of the conditioned response. In simultaneous conditioning, the CS and UCS are presented at the same time."
Yeah...maybe taking AP Psychology wasn't the best idea.

Open some chat program and type "How's my favourite friend who I haven't chatted with today?" to someone you haven't chatted with at all today. This item isn't a question, just a polite demand to let someone know you were thinking of them.
I did fully intend on actually doing this, but there's nobody online right now who would appreciate that. Plus, I don't talk like that, so I think they'd get suspicious.

Tell me one really proud moment from your life. (Be specific)
I don't know about "proud", but a nice moment from my life that I think says a lot is when I was a little kid, in my yard, my dad was telling me about how four-leaf clovers were considered lucky and how a lot of people looked for them. I bent over, picked up a four-leaf clover out of a patch and said "Like this?"
I've always been lucky like that.

Tell me one really embarassing moment from your life. (Be specific)
I'm going to pass on this one, but mainly because I'm very, very rarely embarassed and when I actually do get embarassed, it's usually about something pretty personal. Sorry, pal.

Have you owned something for way too long... something you know you should get rid of or replace, but can't? If so, what and why?
I'm the ultimate pack rat...I still haven't fully unpacked from when I moved about five years ago, so the answer to your questions are: yes, way too much to name and because I don't like to get rid of things because you never know when you might need it!

Fill in the blank: Other than this one, ____ is the last blog I commented on.
The incomparable Ice Cube Confidential, I do believe.

Do you have any scars? Tell me about one of them.
I've got one on my knee that was purple for a long time, but now it's white-ish. My cousin and I decided that instead of going around the block to get to his beach house, we were just going to swim across the canal (which isn't designed for swimming). So we hopped right in and then realized that the edges were lined in barnacles so there really wasn't any way to get out. Did I mention that I can hardly swim? I sliced up my knee trying to get onto a random boat we found.

What do you get complimented on the most?
My hair, my clothes, my chest, my eyelashes and my wit.

Post a link to your favourite picture online:
I'll do ya one better, survey. I'll just post my favourite picture.George Clinton in furs, gorgeous turquoise jewelry, an FCC button, pretending to snort coke? Win all around!

they seek her here, they seek her there, her clothes are loud but never square

2009-04-15T09:13:00.012-07:00

First of all, I did a guest post for the lovely Sarah Von over at Yes and Yes, so if you have some time to kill, you might like to go check that out.
Also, as I mentioned in my last post, I went to Mission (BC - unfortunately not San Francisco) this past weekend to take pictures for my online vintage store. They turned out very well and in fact I sold four items yesterday alone! Here are some of my other newly listed items that I'm stoked on:
This gold lamé poncho dress is really something else, I must say. It's impossible to wear it without feeling incredibly glamorous. Also, isn't that setting just breathtaking? It's at a monk monestary in Mission.
I am so thoroughly in love with this shirt. Between you and me (uh, all hundreds of you), I priced this shirt so high just because I don't really want it to sell very fast - I'm too attached to it.
This prairie dress has a stunning fit. And soo delightfully 70's!
This ethnic embroidered vest is so awesome - yep, those are flamingos!
Again, this long floral dress is so wonderfully 70's, its very comfortable and the necklace is quite flattering!
Now that it's spring you can wear fantastic florals like this 70's caftan, and I pretty much guarantee it will make you feel free and joyful.
I've worn this space-dyed sweater out a few times and I just love it. I seriously considered keeping it for myself, but what can I say? I'm a giver at heart.
This bird of paradise caftan is very similar to a rich blue one that the lovely Miss Jill bought last month. Unfortunately, these pictures didn't turn out as well as they could've (as it is really a striking piece) because it started hailing while we were photographing it. Ah, well.
What, you don't have a llama sweater?? You're missing out, my friend. Their little llama, uh, figures can brighten up a whole room.
I really like this quirky sweater. A nice, relaxed piece that's still unusual.

And I still have 18 other pieces, so if you have any interest in vintage fashion, check out my online store, Safe as Milk Vintage.

and the devil said, would you like to dance with me? we're doing the cosmic slop

2009-04-10T10:58:00.003-07:00

I know it's been awhile and the simple reason for that is because I've had nothing to say. The long reason for that is that the sun has emerged and everyday I spend all my time lying out on the grass, biking through the forest and also doing not-spring-related things.
I have no big post theme, but have collected some miscellaneous thoughts and opinions for your enjoyment.

You know what scenario I am fully sick and tired of seeing in YA novels? When the narrator has no idea that her close male friend is into her. Prime example: When Georgia Nicholson can't realize that Dave the Laugh (only one of the greatest fictional human beings to ever exist) is madly in love with her.
What it usually looks like:
I asked Tom for his advice on my situation with Blake. A funny look crossed his face and he told me he had heard some rather convincing rumours that Blake is extravagantly homosexual, not to mention he's really bad at lacrosse. I don't know what's gotten into Tom lately - he's been so moody. I bet it has something to do with him suddenly and unexpectedly dumping his girlfriend right around the time we started hanging out. I should try to get them back together.
Yes, teen authors, I understand that there is such a thing as foreshadowing, and that you need to prepare us readers mentally or we will FALL APART with shock when the protagonist's closest male friend reveals himself to be into her. But come on! How often does this scenario happen in real life? We ladies have something called "women's intuition" - no matter how much false modesty we pile on a situation, we tend to suspect it deep down when a guy is into us. In fact, more realistic would be when we oversuspect and get the idea a guy friend is into us when he's not.
Basically, it's played-out, unrealistic and boring. Enough!
Lately I've been having a number non-sexual 30 Rock-themed fantasies. They range from getting a piggyback from Grizz to hiring the entire cast to be locked in a castle with me while I trip on mushrooms so hopefully when I transcend consciousness enough I'll start actually feeling like I'm on the show because judging from DVD extras, a lot of them seem a lot like their characters. Other fantasies include Jenna trying to teach me hip-hop dancing, making Tracy Jordan re-enact my favourite Busta Rhymes video and Jack Donaghy stroking my hair and telling me stories while I'm falling asleep.

Flight of the Conchords...where have you been all my life?
I'm going to Mission this weekend and I shall photograph over a dozen new items for my online store. So best be ready!
Happy Birthday, Eddie Hazel! In the mood for a good old fashioned mindblowing sesh? Dig!
In other Funkadelic-related news, I just found this video of them crazying (theres no verb for it really) around a park to the tune of "Cosmic Slop". It was the most joyous sight I'd ever seen. Ever. My spirits were instantly lifted. I couldn't decide which man I was in love with most. Seriously, in the first few seconds when they come bursting out of the darkness, energy on 100....I dare you not to get a little bit excited.

i want to sleep in the city that never wakes up and revel in nostalgia

2009-04-02T11:47:00.005-07:00

Back in January, I did a post that a lot of people (including me) seemed to get a bit of a kick out of. Basically, I have a feature in my sidebar called Feedjit, which tells me where people who visit my blog are from and how they got there. And, frankly, I've seen some weird Google searches lead to my blog. Even though I'm super-duper busy and whatnot, I've kept track of some of the more curious searches to share with you today.

"what does it means kiss your flower?"
(El Paso, Texas)
Well, for one thing, this person doesn't know the first order of business when encountered with a slang phrase you're unfamiliar with. Urban Dictionary could have solved your conundrum before you made it through the first page of Google's flower ads. Frankly, I Googled for myself and my blog wasn't on the first or second page (after that, I got bored and stopped) - which means they went through pages and pages to find an answer to their dire query.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll spell it out for ya:
Get it? Good.

"Bojana panic nude pictures"
(Southport, England)
Okay...I've heard of people who get off on pain...I've heard of people who get off on being dominated...I've heard of people who get off on all kinds of weird things...but panic? Panic in itself? Hmm...these must be the type of people who get caught jerking off in the back aisle of Godzilla or something.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No, I'm afraid not.

I was lying when I said "I'm afraid not."

"alex turner sexy face"
(Sydney)
Q: What's an Alex Turner sexy face?
A: All of them, of course!
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll give them what we all need.

Yeah, you're welcome.
"Sexy face"...last time "tight pants" - I'm filling all Alex Turner-super-ghetto-collage requests.

"sexy girls downy pics"
(Istanbul)
Granted, I've never been to Istanbul, but where I come from "sexy" and "downy" are pretty much mutually exclusive. Maybe they mean something different when they say "downy" but I'm really not going to Google it to find out. It's a sick world out there.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Institutionalization? No.

"what happened to alex turner he looks weird"
(Mexico)
Please...give generously.
But in all seriousness, this comment made me realize I hadn't seen any recent pictures of Alex Turner, so I did a quick Google search (see, kids, I can do it too) and found a picture from this past February.
Let's just say I was so far from disappointed I'm not even going to bother looking up the antonym for "disappointed". You see, he's grown out his hair.
The single most crucial thing a guy can do to better his appearence...and better it he did.

Sexy before, but feast your eyes on THIS:
He's always been a handsome chap, but with hair like that...A+++
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I provided them with proof that they either are visually impaired or that they have what they kids today call "wack" taste.

"men forced into silk nightgowns"
(New Brunswick)
This person might be my new hero. I don't know what prompted them to search this, but the mere image makes me giddy.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I wish.

"she may never freak again"
(Wisconsin)
On the flip side, this may be the most depressing phrase I've ever read. Never freak again? Never??
Imagining hearing this from a doctor nearly brings me to tears. Way to end this one a downer.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I don't know...what does one need in this sort of situation? I can only hope I offered some sort of marginal amount of solace.

And there ya have it. As long as people keep Googling messed up shit, I shall be there.

i ain't the type of woman who'd make your life a bed of ease, but if you just wanna go drinkin', honey, won't you invite me along please?

2009-03-29T12:02:00.028-07:00

One of the most important things to know about me is that I have insane concert luck. Among the many acts I've seen live are Prince, George Clinton & the P-Funk Allstars, Neil Young, Arlo Guthrie, Arctic Monkeys, Bob Dylan (twice!), Crosby, Stills & Nash and many more. Anyway, Nicola and I were strolling around downtown, heading to Value Village for the usual harassment of their entire stock, when we passed by the Macpherson Theatre and saw a sign saying that Big Brother & the Holding Company were playing there that night. (I really hate to have to add this, because you should know, but if you were aware Big Brother & the Holding Company used to have a very famous frontwoman by the name of Janis Joplin)

Big Brother, l to r: Peter Albin, Janis Joplin, James Gurley, Sam Andrews and Dave Getz

Now, we had known that they were coming but for some reason that I can't remember had decided not to go. But we were passing right by the theatre, in high spirits, and decided on a whim to check if they still had tickets. They did and, in fact, because we were students (or, well, because I was a student) we were able to get them for only $32!
Unfortunately, original guitarist (and my favourite member, who has the honour of being one of the first people I posted a picture of on this blog ever, before I even knew how to post pictures, which is why the picture I posted ended up a mess) James Gurley would not be in attendance and neither (obviously) would Janis, three of the five incredible members were there: Sam Andrews (guitar), Peter Albin (bass) and Dave Getz (drums).
Needless to say, I was pretty stoked.

Big Brother - Janis to the left, and then clockwise from bottom: Sam Andrews, Dave Getz, Peter Albin and James Gurley

I was excited, mainly, to be in the same room as three original members of Big Brother & the Holding Company, as I wasn't really expecting them to deliver much musically. However, I was incredibly wrong. The show was phenomenal.
On a purely musical level, I would say definitely on par (if not better) than seeing them with Janis. They had a beautiful woman named Mary Bridget Davies singing lead and she was a true find. Her voice was incredible - definitely reminiscent of Janis, but not like she was trying to sound like Janis. She even looked a bit like Janis, at least from the stage.

Mary Bridget Davies

They ran through the Big Brother staples, and I was very excited that they did my favourite, "I Need a Man". They did a couple new songs which were great as well. The musicianship was on point and Mary Bridget Davies (I have to try very hard not to gush here, because she was really something) brought so much energy, emotion and pure talent to the performance that at some points I was in (very happy) tears.
Here's a clip of her with the band doing "Ball and Chain" (not from the show I was at, unfortunately):

Afterwards, they had a little table set up to sign autographs so I was actually able to meet the band and make a little chit-chat. Unfortunately, I had no cash to buy a concert shirt but I took off the shirt I was wearing (which took some clever maneuvering inside my oversized Cowichan sweater to not flash the crowd, or the band) and got them to sign that.

Peter Albin commented how much he liked my shirt and asked where I got it, and when Mary Bridget sitting next to him also asked where I got it, he answered for me ("Target" - ha). She then told me I was the luckiest girl in the world (which I knew), and all I could say was "I'm not the one singing with Big Brother & the Holding Company." She laughed and replied that she was a lucky girl too. Mary Bridget also had a selection of spectacular rings, and she showed Nicola and I where she had hurt her finger from grabbing the microphone too hard.
The moral of the story? Big Brother & the Holding Company rules, Mary Bridget Davies is a goddess and if you get the opportunity to check them out...do it! Now! What are you waiting for??

i am not of your world. hold still, baby, i wont do you no harm - i think i'll be good to you

2009-03-23T12:00:00.004-07:00

My third tag post in a row, but I've been seeing this one around and secretly hoping someone would tag me for it. Diana to the rescue!

The rules:
With as much creativity as you can muster, show your heart in:
1 picture
1 poem
1 song or piece of music
1 phrase or quote
1 item of clothing
1 place
1 Disney princess

Picture: It took me a long time to figure this one out - and that's true for most of the parts of this fantastically deep tag - but I finally settled on this picture of Funkadelic. It's quirky, interesting, not really funny but not really serious, colourful, retro, there's a Native American headdress and pinstriped pants, and I'm now fiending to relax on that hill. Also, there's some guy climbing a tree.

Poem:
Because I'm not personally that into poetry, I'd rather use the lyrics to a George Clinton & the P-Funk Allstars song called "Because/The Last Time Zone"
The lyrics really are more like spoken word than an actual song, and I've always found this song to be so intensely beautiful. Because the song is pretty obscure, I haven't been able to find a copy of the lyrics on the Internet. Here they are, as best as I can figure them out:

the moon is quiet
and here i exist in the next phase of the final unrest
no one ever filled me in with a clue
but my mind has worked its way
at sunrise
as i awaken
into a deep dream
im free

i can see the break of day coming through my window
feel your body next to mine sends my soul away

now what was next?
was i to lay up and die? or just stalemate
in the next time zone
i slip into some cd screen player with no vision

i thought daybreak was my high
until the day i met you in the crack of dawn

is a brighter day just some old holographic insert?
i see it now that you're not really there

i have always imagined my love for you to be the displacement of my wandering mind

i stroll around in your head
lots of shit that can't be said stopping me
it's just the last time zone

mother terror, you are the world to me
and in time to come, you will discover my love for you

i thought the daybreak, i thought the daybreak
was my high

you are the only place i can put my feet
without you as a base, where can i stand?
somewhere in the last time zone, flash is the motivation
and in the midst of this awakening, i loosen the pus from my eyes to see another day
i thank god for youbut i also apologize on behalf of me and my kind
for disappointing maintenance and painful care of your beauty
for so long, i have yearned to die and again resurrect my head on your breast
my rebirth
mother earth

welcome to the last time zone

Because-The Last Time Zone - George Clinton & the P-Funk Allstars

Song:
I guess it's kind of cheating to have two songs, but the last one was really about this lyrics, and this ones more about the song in it's entirety! It's the first song from the first Funkadelic album: "Mommy, What's a Funkadelic?"

Mommy, Whats a Funkadelic? - Funkadelic
"Let me kiss your mind. Let me slide a yard of tongue down your throat; there's nothing wrong with that - merely a kiss. Or is everyone afraid to say kiss me, baby?"
"Dedicated to the feeling of good - and, baby, I'm good at being good"
"Let me play with your emotions, for nothing is good unless you play with it"
"What's so nasty about funky music? Feels good to me"
"We don't need no words, just feelings"
"I was cool but I had no groove. But now? Fly on, baby. Fly on, cause I got it"

Quote:
"There are only two ways to live. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as if everything is"
-Albert Einstein

Item of clothing:
Tough call but I'll give it to this stunningly beautiful caftan I'm selling on my online vintage store. For one thing, it's my favourite colour (electric blue), it has a fantastic ethnic print and richly colourful designs.

Place:
I really love London, San Francisco and New Mexico, but I guess the place I relate to the most is my hometown: Victoria, BC. Its a fantastic mix of gorgeous natural beauty and exciting city life (I sound like a travel brochure, I know, but I am pathetically in love with Victoria).

Disney princess:
I asked Nicola to help me on this one and she suggested Princess Jasmine. This was obviously thrilling as Jasmine is the most awesome Disney princess of all. According to her Wikipedia page, she is "shown to be brave, intelligent, strong, independent, fiery, and charitable. She can also be quite cunning." I do love the word "cunning". Also Nicola said she could picture me in her outfit, and I could too.

This was the best tag ever.

my face is on every wanted poster in town for the way i move

2009-03-19T10:15:00.010-07:00

Lovely Miss Allison has "tagged" me to share with you guys the place that I blog. This is easier said than done, but only because saying "share with you guys the place that I blog" takes about three seconds and actually hunting down a camera and taking pictures and plugging the camera into the computer and uploading them takes at least 8 minutes. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to do it! I will take time out of my hectic-ly festive spring break (last night I stayed up til 12:15 watched 30 Rock DVD extras and became so physically exhausted my skin was numb) to show you guys "where the magic happens", as I would say if this was a particularly low-key episode of Cribs.
I'm not a big fan of "rules", but since I like Allison a lot, I shall do as she says and repost them.
They are as such:

1. Once you are tagged, post a picture of where you blog.
2. Feel free to tell us a little about your space, or explain certain items in more detail. Or not.
3. Link back Daddy Likey's original post.
4. Tag five other bloggers to show their blog spots.
5. If you are tagged and do not participate, you will become allergic to cabbage.

I don't know if I've ever in my life eaten cabbage, so it's possible that I'm already allegic to cabbage and haven't noticed. Still, check this shit out:It was, uh, the maid's day off, or something. In actuality, lucky you, you're only seeing about 60% of the mess. I consider myself a classy slob: papers, books, magazines, mail, etc. scattered everywhere, but you won't be finding a moldy sandwich in there.
Anyway, comfy lookin' chair, eh? Oh, it is. And I can see my Psychology textbook peeking out from the lower left-hand corner - sadly, I can also almost see the dust that is inhabiting it. And, most importantly, a closeup of my laptop and it's tremendously great wallpaper. Hey there, dopest P-Funk picture ever.

I really prefer not to tag people, partially because I don't want to leave anybody out and partially because I'm lazy.

getting to know you is something that i chose to do

2009-03-15T17:23:00.004-07:00

A blogging pal of mine from way back when, Crazy Eddie, has tagged me in a fun sort of getting-to-know-you (cue tremendously cool Parliament song "Gettin' To Know You") tag that (even though I've been blogging for close to - yikes - three years and some of you probably know me better than I know myself) might offer some insight into my being.
Here are my thoughts, feelings and opinions on...

Music

As you may have noticed, I do enjoy listening to music every now and then. I'd tell you that I love music or that I live for music or that I would be a completely different person without music, but I don't think I have to. It's almost like telling you "I breathe air". Your response (to both questions) would be, "Yeah, so what, me too." In terms of what music I listen to, I think it's no secret that Parliament/Funkadelic rocks my world to no end. The other artists that I've loved most consistently over my life are Prince, Marvin Gaye, Outkast, Michael Jackson, Led Zeppelin and Jefferson Airplane.

Humour

Like Eddie, my life would be a sad tale without the inclusion of humour. What tickles my funny bone most often are Doonesbury, Will Ferrell, Seinfeld, 30 Rock (and most specifically Dr. Spaceman ["Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the heart is. See, every human is different."]), South Park and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Cosmopolitan, other blogs (maybe even yours!) Demetri Martin and a well-timed "That's what she said" will do it for me as well.

Video games

I don't even give a fuck, I love Sims and I don't care what you think.

Family
They're alright. My dad saw the Grateful Dead a bunch of times.

Bacon Double-Cheeseburgers
Yesss, please.

Dudes

I do enjoy the company of the odd male species, though my blog is specifically a blog that avoids talking about my personal life and most importantly that aspect of my personal life. (Nothing against blogs that are about that, cuz it is entertaining, but I'd be way too worried that someone would say what I'm saying about them!) In terms of fantasy, my ideal man would probably a combination of Andre 3000, Mick Jagger, Hyde, Alex Turner, Glenn Goins and Lester Bangs.

Lindsay Lohan

I have hated on her in the past, but the truth is that there is something about her I find charming. Not a big fan of most of her movies and definitely not a fan of her music, but I like a lot of her style and think she has a very cool speaking voice. Also, Perez Hilton kind of pisses me off, so I have taken to starting to actually like a lot of the celebrities he picks on, just because I think he's obnoxious.

Corny sunsets

Love 'em. How can you not! The colours, the atmosphere - it's just an all-around good feeling.

Dark art

Well, now that you mention it, I do have some pictures saved onto my computer that if they were people, I would consider them "not to be trifled with." If you're talking dark art as in witchcraft, well, I'm going to have to plead the Fifth on this one (even though I'm Canadian).

My heritage
I am Canadian, as I just mentioned (for those of you with ADD, or short-term memory loss, or the like), but my father is American and my maternal grandparents immigrated from Holland. So, pretty much, I would consider my heritage to be Dutch.

This was such a fun little tag and I won't get all exclusive and tag specific people. If you feel like introducing yourself to your readers a little more (especially if you're a new blogger!), I definitely suggest trying this out.

you can't get on my system cuz my system is the solar

2009-03-12T12:32:00.018-07:00

10 Songs I'm Into At the Moment

1. "Undisco Kidd" by Funkadelic

I included on the playlist below the live version, because that's the one I prefer (the studio version, also good but more cluttered, is linked above). This is classic Funkadelic, with a demented story about a freaky little groupie with too much rump to bump over an extraterrestrial groove. The only thing I can't figure out is whether "undisco" is a compliment or insult.

2. "Phone Home" by Lil' Wayne
Speaking of extraterrestrial...one of my favourite things about Lil' Wayne is his claim of being an alien, and this entire song deepens that idea. I've fallen in love with Tha Carter III, despite how predictable my love for it is. What isn't predictable is Lil' Wayne's rhymes - I've noticed that he'll intentionally mispronounce a word to make it rhyme with the previous phrase and then correct himself to rhyme it with the next phrase (see the "asaneen, damn, I mean asinine" in "You Ain't Got Nothin'" - so retarded it becomes genius).

3. "I'm A Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears
I'm definitely not breaking any new ground with this, and I specifically recall hating this song when it came out, but recently I've been throwing this one on all the time. It's so weird how my love for Britney has grown and grown over the past year. Never would've seen that coming when I was 12.

4. "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" by Busta Rhymes
First off, the video is beyond sick. His videos is what made me really start to appreciate Busta Rhymes. But, as his name would suggest, he can seriously bust a rhyme. Superbly.

5. "Tears Dry On Their Own" by Amy Winehouse
I'm a year or two behind on Amy Winehouse, but I'm falling hard in love. Her lyrics are just so sublime, unpretentious yet poetic and so real and relatable. Before I even actually would listen to this song, I had adopted the "my own best friend" lyrics as a personal motto.

6. "80's Joint" by Kelis
I guess you're beginning to notice that I've been listening to a lot of pop lately. I know it's not considered to be the coolest thing, but it's so emptily joyful and I can relate! The bass on this track is just killer.

7. "Country Girl" by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
I used to dislike this song, but it has grown on me so much. When they finally reach the "Country girl, I think you're pretty", it feels like when you're deep in a swimming pool and swimming upwards and upwards til you finally break through the surface. Unfortunately, I can't find a clip to link you to, so seek it out yourself!

8. "Bathwater" by No Doubt
I recently discovered my old No Doubt CD's that I was obsessed with when I was 13 and have been enjoying the comforting nostalgia of them. I know No Doubt's touring this summer and I must say, sounds very tempting.

9. "Oh! You Pretty Things" by David Bowie
On a completely different page, this gorgeously simplistic number exudes Bowie at his "best" (quotations because, really, who can judge?).

10. "I'd Rather Be With You" by Bootsy Collins
I've been allll over solo Bootsy Collin's lately, and unlike most of his stuff, I find this song deeply touching. It almost makes me cry, but then again I'm just moody, especially around the full moon.

march 12/09

its the way you flip your hair and the stylish clothes you wear, when you walk into the room all my partners stop and stare

2009-03-09T10:16:00.020-07:00

It's time for another exciting round of plugging vintage by answering fake letters demanding help choosing clothing for obscure (also fake events). The clothes, however, are real, and being sold by myself on my online vintage store Safe as Milk Vintage or my friend Nicola on her online vintage store Nicola's Vintage Boutique.

The fast track to being cool and stylish, as everyone knows, is to let a stranger tell you how to dress. So sit back, relax and dig.

Situation:
"I enjoy taking to my boat to cruise the peninsula, but my fashion-obsessed preteen daughter is not the nautical type. She'd much rather be shopping for tank tops to show off her toned arms (she's quite the softball player, you know). Anyway, her birthday is coming up and I'd like to buy her something to encourage her to sailboat more often with us, as she is a slave to her own clothing and will do whatever it hints that she should (for this very reason, she no longer shops at Hot Topic). What do you suggest I do?"
Solution:
Your entire family seems to have issues far beyond my abilities but I can hook you and your daughter up with a very charming sailboat tank top.
This top is perfect for a smaller girl, either someone young or someone quite petite. I just love the sailboat design, and the overall 70's vibe. Find it here.

Situation:
"I am obsessed with London fashion. Specifically, the 60's mod scene and the 90's rave scene. I often dream of ways these two worlds could collide but it seems, sadly, that this could probably never be. Anyway, now that I've rambled to you for a bit about a fully unrelated topic that is definitely not foreshadowing of any sort, I will get down to my query and it is this: I am a contestant in the Banana Sunrise Leg O' The Morning To Ya beauty pagaents (it's a bit obscure). It involves dressing up in yellow and showing off one's legs (plus we get bonus points for a little cleavage). As I am known for my vintage flair, I need to take something old and make it look new and exciting (and flaunt my legs - and cleavage!)"
Solution:
How funnily coincidental that you should mention a desire for a mod/rave yellow minidress with cleavage. For Nicola happens to be a selling an extremely fetching little number of the very sort!Legs? Check. Cleavage? Check. Yellow? Check. Plus it's super mod, with a neon raver flair (you can't tell it very well in the picture, but it is, in fact, quite neon). And the cut-outs add a whole new element of excitement sure to impress the judges. Miss Banana Sunrise 2009, no need for thanks, just click here.

Situation:
"I consider myself to be something of a quirky soul. I enjoy eccentric dress and fun accessories. Recently I chopped my formerly-long-and-luxuious hair off and, though I love my new style, I have noticed a gaping space between my earlobes and my shoulders. For some reason, I find this unsettling. I need some large earrings to fill the literal void above my shoulders and the figurative void of not wearing enough cool accessories.
I also have a deep affinity for nocturnal creatures. There's just something about preying at night I find thoroughly exciting."
Solution:
If by "preying at night" you mean "wearing owl earrings", well, I can help your life get a whole lot more exciting.

Boom. Now, do you love it or do you want to sacrifice a litter of kittens to wear it on your ears? Okay, just loving it is enough for me. Give in to your own desires here.

Situation:
"I looooooooove The Who. Like, looooooooooooooove. Soo badass, with the blind pinballing and the bleeding hands and the "YOU CAN'T HAVE IT" and the mod beginnings and whatnot. ANYWHO, strangely enough, what I love most about The Who is their early 80's period. When I saw them on their '82 American tour, my brain was blown so wide open I'm still missing a small chunk of my frontal lobe. Is there anything vintage I could wear to flaunt my highly specified feelings about The Who?"
Solution:
Strangely, yes. Would an original '82 Who concert t-shirt do it for ya?
Faded to rock-star goodness, this rock tee will bring the badass to every occasion. You don't even need your frontal lobe to enjoy it - just a click here.

Situation:
"I love the 1960's and most particularly the London mod scene of the times. I work in an office and need a mod-like outfit that would be appropriate to wear to work. I also fancy one of my co-workers and would like to emphasize my blue eyes, as I saw on a Facebook survey he posted that eyes are his "favourite part of the opposite sex". I also love the look of buttons but lack the full dexterity to maneuver them. Please help."
Solution:
It's like shooting rubber duckies in a barrel. Would this mod minidress suit your needs?
Yes, yes, it would. The style = mod and appropriate for the office, the pattern = fun and original, the buttons = ornamental, the colour = very complimentary for blue eyes. You're good to go! Just click here.

hey, hey, hey, that cat's okay

2009-03-06T09:24:00.003-08:00

Maybe if we all lived life frolicking about a Diablo Cody movie, we could all the oh-so-enviable person who seems to have an awesomely random quote that suits an occasion perfectly. Unfortunately, this can be tough, as the moments that most fervently call for a well-timed, well-chosen, well-delivered quote are the moments when it's most difficult to think of one. To your rescue, as usual, I have developped a easy-to-use guide to movie/television quotes and when they're best employed.
Here's what to say to make people eavesdropping on your conversation wish they were your friend.

"N.C. - No class!"
Background: This Fat Albert & the Cosby Kids catchphrase is definitely my most-often used quote. Usually spoken by Rudy or Russell
Situation to use: Your friend falls over drunk, a guy makes an immature joke, you spy a girl throwing herself at a guy - basically anytime someone behaves in a way that you imagine the Queen would sniff her nose haughtily upon witnessing.
Delivery: The "N.C." preceding is optional, but adds a more specificness to the quote. A wittier prefacing phrase is "You're like school on Saturday: no class!" Study Russell's disgusted tone here at 3:08 - you'll want to capture this sort of casually irreverent superiority.
What it says about you as a person: You're witty, retro, impossibly hip and possess a sublime sense of humour.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: some other good-natured insults like "They oughta call you a broken clock...cause you don't know what time it is!" and "They oughta call you a paratrooper...cause you fell down on the job"; prefacing any phrase that ends with the sound "ay" with "Hey, hey, hey"

"It's all happening!"
Backgound: Almost Famous...need I say any more?
Situation to use: Life is going well/something good happens
Delivery: With almost-innocent enthusiasm and pure joy, such as Polexia at 1:09 here.
What it says about you as a person: You're an optimistic rocker chick with a wild spirit and a heart of gold.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!" (when you're feeling free, or drunk, or both); "You'll meet them all again on the long journey to the middle" (when offering words of pseudo-comfort); "...this is the maid speaking, by the way" (when you have revealed information that you don't want to take credit for revealing)

"You see what God just did to us, man?!"
Backgound: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...as they accidentally let some of their cocaine blow away
Situation to use: Something bad happened that was pretty much definitely your fault
Delivery: Bewildered dismay
What it says about you as a person: You're pure, grade-A rad.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: "As your attorney, I advise you to slow down...I can't keep up!" (when somebody's out partying you and it's not okay - and, let's face it, this is never okay); "I'd rather not say - my brother's in politics" (when someone asks your name and you don't want to tell them, though, sadly, this is probably way too obscure for anyone to pick up on); "I am fortune's fool!" (this isn't Fear and Loathing - it's Shakespeare - but it applies to the same situation and adds a touch of class)

"That's just, like, your opinion, man."
Backgound: The Big Lebowski, when Jesus tells the Dude and Walter that he's going to fuck them up
Situation to use: Somebody states an insulting fact (preferably not an actual opinion)
Delivery: Like you just don't give a fuck.
What it says about you as a person: You're chill. And awesome.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: anything from The Big Lebowski, at any time.

"Milk was a bad choice."
Backgound: Ron Burgandy in Anchorman while drinking milk from the carton during a hot summer's day
Situation to use: Whenever you've made any sort of bad decision. For example, the other day I went for a bike ride but misjudged the temperature and didn't wear gloves, so I said (to myself) "Milk was a bad choice." In this analogy, "milk" represented my lack of gloves. You follow? Also, if you happened to see the movie "Milk" and you didn't like it, well, there's a golden opportunity right there.
Delivery: Study this.
What it says about you as a person: You're amusing, fun to be with, perhaps guilty of making poor decisions now and then, but humble enough to admit it.
If you liked this quote, why not try...: "Oh yeah, about that, it's probably just the pants, I was meaning to take them back to the, uh, pants store" (when someone informs you that you have a massive erection); "There are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you" (when your boyfriend says "I love you" for the first time - seriously, you must, he'll think it's hilarious...probably); "I will take your mother out to a nice seafood dinner and NEVER call her again!" (when you want to insult someone to their core)

And of course, Zoolander is the safest bet of all time.

i'm just funkin around for fun

2009-03-03T13:25:00.004-08:00

There's a lot of things I hear on a daily basis ("Maybe Wheat Thins aren't the most nourishing breakfast"; "Are you quoting Fat Albert again?"; "In fact, ma'am, it is illegal to do naked cartwheels on the legislative building lawn") but what I hear most often is that people want to be me.

A common lament.
Science, the bitchy, STD-laden mistress of the universe, has dictated that the only person can be me, and again, I'm the lucky one here because I'm me. The rest of you just have to settle for being like me. As I'm a bit of a complex person (a Cancer with Capricorn rising and Moon in Sagittarius in fact), this is hard - you can, however, partake in activities that I regularly enjoy. For example

-Melted butter and brown sugar as cereal
Sounds gross, doesn't it? Oh, wait, no it doesn't - it sounds delicious. And that's cuz it is. I discovered this while making brownies or cookies or something traditional (read: boring yet tasty). It's much easier and it leaves your teeth with a delightful coated-in-crunchy/liquid-cavities sensation.

-Fun with body temperature!!
What's more satisfying then coming home from a stroll (okay, shuffle) through a snowstorm to a a warm, maybe even crackling, fire? Only wearing a fur coat while listening to Let's Get It On and ignoring all previous commitments. Unfortunately, you don't always have a snowstorm or a fireplace or even the ability to decipher crackling. This satisfaction must then be artificially simulated. But don't like the robotic mumbo-jumbo throw you - this can be just as fun. Basically, you have to begin with a forced coldness. You may do this how you wish; I get naked. Wander around, open a window, stand in front of the freezer. Yes, it's painful but hang in there. You cold yet? Good. Now wait, and retain your body's coldness. If you can, get even colder. You want to be cold to your core. When you're really and truly cold, then take a nice, warm bath.
It might not be the best way to befriend your hypothalamus, but it sure feels good.

-Deciphering difficult to understand lyrics

Okay...I know what you're thinking: "What do you do with your life?? Don't you have a job?" The answers are, respectively, I indulge and enjoy myself; and no, that would cut into my bathing time. I do have a lot of time on my hands, but that's precisely how I like my life to be. Anyway, I've found that it can be fun trying to decipher lyrics that cannot be found on the Internet. This is particularly fun with songs where there's some brain-sucking bass and you're being hit in the face with funk, and then they've got people shouting dementedly awesome lyrics (of course I'm talking P-Funk here). Here's a good starter song:

Ahh...The Name Is Bootsy, Baby - Bootsy Collins

What do you hear around the 1:42-2:47 mark? My answer below to compare*.
See? Fun and educational and entertaining!

*Little boy: Hey, Leroy! There's a Bootsy right there!
Leroy: Where? I don't see him, where?
Little boy: Right over there!
Leroy: Where?
Little boy: Right there....I, I wonder if we can ask him a question.

Leroy: I guess so!
Little boy: I'm kinda scared...
Leroy: Aw, man, come on!
Little boy: Wow! Where did you hear that? [still indecipherable] Hey...hey...hey, Bootsy man (?) why your face like a star?
Bootsy: The name is Bootsy, baby, and the better to funk you, my dear.
Leroy: Casper...why we can't see you?
Bootsy: Ahh...I'm in the street cuz I lost my sheep...and I does not know where to find them.
Little boy: Hey, Bootsy...Bootsy...Bootsy....his eyes!! Oooh....they're like stars, too!
Leroy: I say, Bootsy, you're a superstar, right?
Bootsy: Ah, twinkle, twinkle, baby.
Leroy: Ha! I told ya, man.
Bootsy: Now, can I play?
Bootsy always pronounces baby "baba" - appreciate.

-Playing dress-up
Frankly, I'm shocked that dressing up is considered "childish" or "silly" or "nonessential to human survival". Since, as I just mentioned, I've fortunate enough to have large amounts of spare time on my hands, dressing up is something I do quite often. The extent of dressing up varies, but some models I like to tackle are dressing up like a friend or someone you know, dressing up like your past self, dressing up like a celebrity, dressing up like a stereotype (as you can see, I personally enjoy costuming myself - in an incredibly loving and respectful manner - as a First Nations person) or dressing up as a character you yourself has created. For example, a long silk nightgown and a fur coat gives satisfying ex-wife-of-famous-movie-exec-who-is-eschewing-plastic surgery-because-she-just-doesn't-give-a-fuck-about-anything-except-her-martinis vibes.

-Reading Cosmopolitan and Seventeen, etc.
This activity is rich in lol-possibilities. However, its important to note that this can be quite dangerous, as these magazines have a high danger level of brainwashing. If you are feeling fragile, searching for guidance or obsessively into a guy, I would recommend that these magazines are not for you. That being said, if you are secure with yourself and your ability to attract the gender you desire, reading these frivolous magazines can be fun in a combined watching-a-car-accident and laughing-at-idiocy manner. It can also be a little bit infuriating, but I would advise that you take that anger and turn it into mockery.
For example, according to Cosmopolitan, I should not know more about sports than my beau. This demasculates him. If I do happen to know more than him (freak of nature that I must be), I should keep this secret and play along like he is the Wise Sportsmaster of the Mountaintop. Yes, Cosmo, forget honesty and equality - let's just stroke some egos and con our men into staying with us. And while we're at it, why don't you show us the right way to stroke some tangible appendages? Because we must be doing it wrong if we're not doing it the COSMO! way.
Also, I don't feel I know myself well enough; can I please take a COSMO! quiz so you can shuffle me into one of three categories?
Irritating but not as harmful are the articles about the cover women, because they all say the exact same thing: OMG, guys, _______ isn't your typical Hollywood starlet!! She's honest, funny, nice and she actually eats!......just like every other FUN FEARLESS FEMALE!! featured in Cosmopolitain.
In my mind, the worst thing Cosmopolitan (and similar magazines) does it perpetrate the stereotype that all men think alike. For example, did you know that if a men half-smiles at you when you meet him it means he only wants no-strings-attached sex? Forget the 817 other reasons he might be half-smiling; this relationship will never be anything but a one night stand. All that garnered from a half-smile?
It's sad for women who take this seriously, but their loss is your gain. Get a magazine like this from the library (so you're not putting money into their pockets) and enjoy the stupid advice women are actually following. And we wonder why travesties like this exist?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy livin' Ashcan Rantings every now and then - I know I do!

"i look like i eat tuna casserole all day" lookin' boy

2009-03-01T13:19:00.016-08:00

Stylish Vancouverite Eyeliah has tagged me for the 7 Random Things tag. I do so love this tag, it's my third time doing it. I don't find it hard at all, because I'm pretty self-involved, and I love thinking about myself (sounds cold but true).

1. The celebrities I get told I resemble are Gail Zappa, Cory Kennedy, Miss Sparky (from the GTO's), Katie Holmes and Irina Lazareanu.

2. The South Park moment that amuses me most consistantly is in the episode "Tonsil Trouble" where Cartman gets accidentally gets infected with HIV, and responds to every "Are you sure?" with "I'm HIV-positive". It just never gets less funny.

3. Even though my friends rule and I enjoy being with them so much, I love being by myself and doing things by myself. I know lots of people prefer to do everything with friends (shopping, eating out, etc.), but I think it's important to feel comfortable doing all these activities on your own. It might sound sad to say that I'm my own best friend, but it feels great!

Exit Music (for a Film) - Brad Mehldau
4. I play piano and I'm learning Brad Mehldau's cover of Radiohead's "Exit Music". I'm not a big Radiohead fan, but I love this version, it's gorgeous and so much fun to play.

5. I know I'm behind on the trends, but I recently discovered both 30 Rock and Chuck Klosterman, and I can't get enough of either of them.

6. A website I've found fascinating as of late is stopsylvia.com , an anti-psychic Sylvia Browne page devoted to exposing the fraud she so clearly is. As someone with an interest in the afterlife, I'd read a couple of her books casually without forming a strong opinion on her. This website changed all that. It's absolutely infuriating what this woman does. She actually will give people medical diagnoses based on her "psychic" powers (which can discourage them from seeking proper medical advice if she says they're fine), but perhaps most appalling is the "work" she does regarding missing children. Two of her more well-known cases are regarding Shawn Hornbeck (she told his parents that he was dead, when he in fact was alive - you can only begin to imagine the traumatic effect this would have on them) and Opal Jennings (she told her parents that she was alive and being sold into sexual slavery in Japan, when in fact she'd been murdered in Texas - also devastating in a different manner). It's absolutely shocking that this woman is not only generally accepted as psychic, but that she's hugely popular and disgustingly wealthy. I urge you to check out StopSylvia.com, especially if you're a fan of hers.
(Another great article that sums up Sylvia Browne's fraudulence in a more condensed manner can be found here)

7. On a lighter note, I got into "Lookin Boy" while I was in vacation in the South and was distraught to return home to find that it was virtually unknown in Canada.
Y'all ready for another round of 'lookin boy'? Good, you are now. It's allll in the delivery.
(0:027...the guy on the left...Jazzy Jeff or what?)

hey, hey, hey, all you young girls, whatever you do, well come on by and see me, i'll make it worth it to you!

2009-02-25T15:42:00.009-08:00

Anybody here who has visited this blog before knows I have a friend named Nicola who runs an online vintage store, which I pimp out every now and then. I have some pretty exciting (for me, at least) news: after a year of watching Nicola have all the fun with scavanging and photographing and styling and wearing and have a general vintage-flavoured good time, I've decided to start my own online vintage store!

It's called Safe as Milk Vintage, (brownie points to whoever can figure out the reference) and right now, I have but 6 items for sale. But hang on, because I've got over a dozen really awesome and exciting items coming soon - including some really wicked long 70's dresses that I'm very stoked on. I'm getting my friend Jenn, who lives in Mission (she's an exception to the general lameness that affects many Mission residents) to photograph and model the clothes for me. Because it takes so long to transport the clothes to Mission, have them get photographed and then pick them up at some point, its hard to post clothes often, but I shall do my best, and keep you readers informed. I'm really very thrilled about this, so here's what I currently have in stock:
This sweaterdress is not only very mod and flattering, but its so warm and cosy too!

At first I just liked the colours of this sweater but when I tried it on, it was so flattering and comfortable, I had to share the wealth.

You can't see them very well in this picture but these bangles are so awesome, and complement each other so well.

This Rasta poncho was an exciting find - it's actually handmade!

As soon as I saw this sweatshirt, my first thought was Cory Kennedy. It totally looks like something she'd wear!

I love this belt so much that I'm almost tempted to keep it for myself, but I don't really wear belts. Someone else could pull it off much better!

Anyway, check out my shop and add the store on Myspace, and let me know what you think!

i could be in love with almost everyone, i think that people are the greatest fun

2009-02-19T10:59:00.010-08:00

I've been tagged by the fantastic Daughters of Dawn Vintage to list for you my top five favourite albums of all time. Yeah, don't make it something tricky or anything, Tag. I've attempted this impossible feat before, but already a little over a year later, it's changed. It should be pointed out that I'm going for all over quality of an album itself, how much I'd want to listen to the entire thing, which is why some of my favourite artists (Parliament, Prince, Led Zeppelin, Sly & the Family Stone, etc.) are nowhere to be found.

Top 5 Favourite Albums of All Time
(subject to change)

1. Forever Changes by Love

I can hardly put my feelings toward this album into words. It's the most beautiful, stirring, breathtaking masterpiece I've ever heard. I haven't even listened to it in probably about a year because I react to it too emotionally. It really isn't for everyone, but if you "get it", it becomes vital.
If you only hear one song... "You Set the Scene"

2. Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye
I bought this album pretty much because I felt like I should own it because it was such a "classic" -stupid I know, and I figured I'd probably listen to it once or twice then to the back of my record box it would head. My idiocy did not deserve to be rewarded with the agonizing gorgeousness and gorgeousity that is Let's Get It On. Like all good albums, this one grew on me. At first, I only listened to the title track...and then the title track and the next song...and then the first side...and so forth until I could listen to the entire album and just feel the soul wash over me, like a warm hug.
If you only hear one song... "Come Get To This"

3. After Bathing at Baxter's by Jefferson Airplane
I absolutely love Surrealistic Pillow but for me, After Bathing at Baxter's is a superior album. Much less radio-friendly than their previous album, it also features Marty Balin vocally more, which makes me happy as I adore his voice. However, my favourite song has Paul Kantner on lead vocals. Really, though, the whole album is phenomenal, definitely one of those LP's that you can put on a listen to from beginning to end.
If you only hear one song... "Watch Her Ride"

4. One Nation Under a Groove by Funkadelic
It was almost hard to choose one album to represent my P-Funk love, but then it wasn't, because this one is a clear favourite from beginning to end. One of the most brilliant tracks, frankly, I think is probably too avant-garde for most people, but "Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squad" has a very special place in my heart. Another song with personal meaning is "Cholly (Funk Gettin' Ready to Roll)", about a certain "Cholly" (rhymes with Molly?) who discovers the funk and it changes their life. Hmm, sounds kinda familiar. If you're clever like me and copped the bonus edition, you'll also be treated to the heavy metal/funk (believe it or not, it totally works) cut "Lunchmeataphobia (Think!...It Ain't Illegal Yet)".
If you only hear one song... "One Nation Under a Groove"

5. Speakerboxxx/The Love Below by Outkast
It easy for an album to have a bunch of great songs when it has 40 tracks. It isn't easy for an album for have 40 songs and have most of them be great. Ya dig? The split album was a brilliant move: Big Boi brings the innovative hip-hop and Andre 3000 brings the most awesome un-categorizable music.
If you only hear one song... "Prototype"

I shall tag Libby, Allison, Maya, Crazy Eddie and Jill.

throw your hands up now, let the music take control, this is how we roll

2009-02-17T11:23:00.016-08:00

If you were born around the same time I was (late 80's, early 90's), you'll probably remember that glorious period of such musical richness known as the turn of the millenium.
Just to hit you in your nostalgia bone, here's some of the classics that exemplified the greatness of the times. We were truly blessed to be able to experience such classics in their prime.

Aaron Carter - "Not Too Young, Not Too Old" (2001)
You'd totally forgotten that at one point Aaron Carter was actually a pop star, didn't you? (Actually, more like you'd probably forgotten that at one point, people knew who Aaron Carter was) With his "fresh" beats and "def" rhymes, the original Mr. Carter was a rare musical progeny. Not afraid to get sassy ("Don't even playa-hate and try'n'say I look ten" - I wouldn't dream of playa-hatin' on you like that, Aaron - you look at least twelve) and not too proud to take advantage of his BSB connection by getting his older brother to sing the hook, Aaron was a brilliant meteor of star power and excellent rhymes - he could even awkwardly bust of some extremely white-boy breakdance moves. T-Pain, take note: Aaron busts out the AutoTune, robo-hook at 1:45 a good five years before you make your bread and butter on it. Aaron Carter: 2 - rap community at large: 0.
And the video ho's? You know the ones he's thrown his arms around and are rocking back and forth with him in a manner that looks extremely uncomfortable. They're definitely setting the standard for today's women of musical film. The way they lean out through giant R's and wave excitedly at Aaron? It oozes the sort of innocent sexuality that ends up with Aaron getting lipstick kiss marks everywhere on his face but the lips. Ouch.

Dream - "He Loves U Not" (2000)
You know these chicks mean business from the beginning: a little bit of piano paired with the girls posing in front of a neon sign of the band's name. And then...what's this? AutoTune again?? And to think all this time, I've been hailing T-Pain as a creative genius, and it's been the pop artists of the early oo's who innovated this trend. They just never stop influencin', do they?
Let's take a moment to appreciate their all-pink...what is that, suede? little dance suits. To anyone who thinks life has gotten continually worse since that 60's, look at how far we've come in the last decade, thank you. Also don't forget to appreciate the special effects at 2:49; I know my mind was blown.
It's nice that they add "And that's me" to the end of "He's into what he's got"...just in case we hadn't figured it out. Really, what this song makes me think is "They're going to be incredibly humiliated when their guy leaves them for this girl." Cuz it's inevitable! To paraphrase the Bard, "Methinks the lady doth protest too much" - if you're going to go on and on and on about how some common girl has no chance with your man, I think you're running scared a bit, dontcha think? However, the girl with the short blond hair just doesn't give a fuck. Look into her eyes - she's fantasizing about riding tractors with her girlfriend.
Still, pop genius courtesy of...Diddy? Mmkay, then.

O-Town - "Liquid Dreams" (2001)
You can't let the boy bands get off scot-free because, if anything, they were much worse. I mean, really, can you even believe now that millions of girls (and probably you - yes, you....J'accuse) wanted a man with frosted tips, sleeveless muscle shirts, suspicious facial hair, vinyl pants and an earring?
Even if you're too embarassed to watch the whole video, please, for your own sake, check out the overly enthusiastic "Damn!" at 0:37. It's also a little disconcerting that a thinly veiled ode to nocturnal emissions was such a splash (no pun intended...okay, intended a little bit now that I notice) among preteens. This thing really shows its age when you hear who exactly they combine to make their perfect girl.

Truly a flawless woman.

Crazytown - "Butterfly" (2001)
It's hard to sort this one into a genre...my instincts would call it shit-pop, but the band has lots of tattoos so it must be punk. It's sad but I've always found it amusing (on a most pedestrian level) when guys who obviously do lots of drugs wear the anti-drug D.A.R.E. shirts. But anyway, the dope rhymes keep this songs real - for example, "My lifestyle wild/I was livin' like a wild child". That one almost tricks you into thinking it's clever: "Whoa...quadruple rhyme." Don't be fooled.
Another fun, uh, feature is how they go from claiming that they don't deserve a woman to telling her that the smartest thing she ever did was take a chance with him. Textbook playa material - run, lady!
Anybody else get hardcore Zoolander flashbacks at 2:25?
The most notable thing about this song, for me, is that it contains one of my (many) pet peeves: when guys (usually in songs) think it's romantic to compare their own relationship to Sid and Nancy. That's almost...a murder threat. Yikes. Keep him away from hunting knives.

we know...which way you're going

2009-02-15T17:24:00.024-08:00

10 Songs I'm Into at the Moment

"Booty" by Erykah Badu

Could you imagine how horrified you'd be to find out your man was cheating on you with Erykah Badu? Because it's pretty hard to compete with someone as awesome as her. Ms. Badu (I really feel like I should be addressing her with the upmost respect) spends the verses bragging to some poor woman how "you got a whole lot of junk up in yo trunk, but yo nigga thinks I'm live and I keep it crunk" and the choruses explaining "I don't want him, because of what he's doin to you".

"She Loves Everybody" by Chester French
I gotta thank Crazy Eddie for this one. He hooked me up with the recommendation and, though I rarely listen to this type of music, I checked it out - now I can't stop listening to it! Be sure to check out the video, it's fun stuff. I guess the only artist I listen to that I could compare it to are the Arctic Monkeys, though it's less...wordy and more electronic.

"SOS" by the Last Shadow Puppets
Speaking of the Arctic Monkeys..! Here's Alex Turner's side project band The Last Shadow Puppets doing a ridiculously kickass version of my favourite Rihanna song. It (predictably) takes on completely new vibes, and reaches new levels of awesomeness. Admit it, you're dying of curiousity!

"100 Yard Dash" by Raphael Saadiq
I really don't know much Raphael Saadiq, but I'm thinking I need to get on that. This song is so chill and smooth and feels so good.

"Sure Nuff N Yes I Do" by Captain Beefheart & his Magic Band
The version I've included in the playlist is a demo, so I'd advise clicking the above link to get the proper version. Captain Beefheart, if you haven't heard of him, is an old pal of Frank Zappa and if you're a fan of Zappa's freak rock or even just the blues, you'll be digging this one.
(And just to make you squirm with anticipation, I have a big big big announcement coming up soon very vaguely involving this song - and let me emphasize very vaguely)

"Kill the Lights" by Britney Spears
Oh, Britney - why you gots to be so great? Now that "If U Seek Amy" is getting all appreciated by regular folk and stuff, I gotta get a little more obscure. "Kill the Lights", also from Circus, is doing the job for now!

"Ghetto Life" by Rick James
Is it an accident that this song clocks in at exactly 4:20? No way - Rick knows what he's doing. I finally got my claws on Street Songs and this is my jam. Though I am a little disturbed by the image of him learning about sex from a "little cute girl" with pigtails. But shows what I know about ghetto life...

"All Your Love" by John Mayall's Bluesbreakers
Couldn't find this one on imeem.com, but check it out on the link. Blues-y goodness featuring a young Eric Clapton and a pre-Fleetwood Mac John McVie.

"I Misjudged You" by Parliament

Lately I've been all about Parliament's ballads, because with P-Funk you know it's never going to be dull. This incredibly remorseful number is beautiful and humble, with great piano work and fantastic vocals (as usual).
"Brothers on the Slide" by Cymande
You know when you hear a song that you know you can't possibly have heard before but sounds like you've been listening to it your whole life? The song that gives you a feeling in your stomach that feels like it's already helped you through a lot in life? For me, those songs are Jefferson Airplane's "Today" and this super-chill funk number from Cymande.

Kick back, relax and dig:

february 15/09

we'll tiptoe to the sun and do thangs i know you like

2009-02-12T09:45:00.008-08:00

Everyone loves a good, classic love song, with all the "love's too weak to define just what you mean to me" and "if God one day struck me blind, your beauty I'd still see" that that entails. Those lyrics are beautiful...but let's face it, just a little bit cheesy (and besides, the best part of "Adore" is the killer vocal performance).

Personally, I find much more unconventionally romantic songs to be much more personal and engaging.

Here's some of the songs I would be honoured to have played at my wedding and, boys, how you can translate the sentiment behind them into a killer Valentine's Day card sure to woo the woman of your dreams.

Favourite Unconventionally Romantic Songs

"The Goose" by Parliament
Maybe it's not wisest to compare your special lady to a goose, a peanut machine, and eagle eyes for a mole. But then again, George Clinton was never really all about the "Oh, baby, I love you so much". Frankly, I'd be much happier if a guy said to me, "I'm as happy as a monkey with a peanut machine since I found you, but I don't need no nut machine cuz I'm nuts all over you."
"Prototype" by Outkast

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll know that my love for this song runs very deep. Some girls might be offended by his suggestion that she is very possibly not his soulmate, but perhaps the prototype. Also, that he feels the need to add "...again" to his "I think I'm in love"s. I find its honesty stunningly endearing.

"I Love My Chick" by Busta Rhymes
Yeah, I know the original is "I Love My Bitch", but that one has completely different vibes and so this is one of the very rare times when I prefer the edited version of a song to the original. Here Busta praises his lady for wanting to "fuck in the clubs" and being "quick to do what she can, even if she had to get up and just lie on the stand." Among the other felonies he appreciates her committing for him is her willingness to "hold a stash for a fella" when he has to skip town.
Still, if a guy told me that his favourite thing about me was that I'm "the shit" and that I'm "truly thorough about the way that I be reppin' it hard", I would probably melt a little.

"If I Was Ur Girlfriend" by Prince
Undoubtedly one of the most stirringly beautiful love songs of all time, though the....phrasing of it all is undeniably quirky. Now, for those of you who couldn't figure it out, when Prince says "girlfriend" in this case he means "female best friend" - he's jealous of the closeness between between his girlfriend and her best friend. Even when taking this creative approach, Prince still knows exactly what women want to hear: "Would you run to me, if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me?" "Maybe you think I'm being a little self-centered but I want to be all the things you are to me" However, what strikes me most is "Can I dress you? I mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out...I ain't saying you're helpless, but sometimes, sometimes those are the things that being in love's about"
My greatest dream would be to have a boyfriend that we could play dress-up and pick out our clothes together. Ahh, Prince.

unconventionally romantic

we come from the land of the ice and snow

2009-02-09T13:57:00.010-08:00

Anyway, some of you might have figured out that I live in the best city in the best province in the best country - no, not Machiques; I'm a proud resident of Victoria, BC, Canada.

It's true...British Columbia radiates awesome-ness.
However, not all cities in BC are created equal. Being the well-travelled kittycat that I am, I'll give you the rundown on where you should avoid the guys, where you should avoid altogether and where you should save up to one day live, if you're lucky.

It's true...when God made Victoria, he drew a yellow heart in the ocean next to it, so no one would forget that it's his favourite city.
Vancouver:
Population: 578,041
Vancouver is fantastic. Rated as the most livable city in the world by The Economist, it is truly spectacular. All the splendor of city life, mixed with natural beauty. Very pricy to live in, but beyond worth it.
Variety of people: Incredible. Probably has one of the highest variety in people in the world.
Quality of people: Since there are so many different types of people, its very hit and miss. However, there are literally thousands of amazing people there.
Famous locals: Black Mountain, Bryan Adams, Nickelback (yeah, sorry about that), Michael Buble, Jillian (the only cool chick ever to be on The Bachelor), Tommy Chong, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell,
I'm inclined to indulge in marijuana now and then...how well will I fit in?
Well, it is BC afterall, so you really can't go wrong - Vancouver is the headquarters of the Marijuana Party (yeah, Americans got the Republicans and the Democrats - we've got the BCMP), the Vapour Lounge (where you can go to use their vaporizers free of charge) and the proud bearer of the nickname Vansterdam.
But let's get down to the important part: how nice are the bus drivers?
Ahh, Vancouver's main downfall. Though their public transportation system is very efficient, the bus drivers are for the most part very rude and sometimes downright malicious. In one of the most baffling instances of my entire life, for a reason I have yet to figure out, one female bus driver told me - at the time, but 13 years old and a foreigner in the city - that the side of the highway was the Ladner Exchange I needed to get to.
It wasn't.

Victoria:
Population: 78,659
Ahh, my hometown. Seriously, guys, it's the best place in the world - and I'm not saying that from lack of experiencing anything else. London, San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, Paris, Las Vegas, Norway, Spain...yeah, they're all cool. But none of them are any matches for the supreme greatness that is Victoria, BC. A major tourist desination, much of downtown is designed to look like a British town, so we've got the brick streets and old-fashioned light posts. We've also got the best climate imaginable (we haven't gone below -10 degrees Celsius in 20 years), a legendary record store, the narrowest alley, an amazing park, a freaking bug zoo, and so much more.
Most intriguingly, there's an "underground city", which is something of an open secret. Much of the city is connected with underground tunnels, and is rumoured to be used by Satanists and homeless people, alternately.
Variety of people: High. We're got the neohippies, the yuppies, a huge Wiccan community, and (thanks to our having the mildest climate in Canada) tons of homeless people. Luckily, Victorian homeless are very friendly and not the scary violent kind, as long as you don't ignore them and don't treat them like they don't exist.
Quality of people: The best people in the world live in Victora, if I may say so myself. Must be something in the water, cause the percentage of rad people is significantly higher than anywhere else.
Famous locals: Nelly Furtado, Hot Hot Heat, Emily Carr
I'm inclined to indulge in marijuana now and then...how well will I fit in?
Have no fear! WeBeHigh.com calls Victoria "the land of stoner splendour", where weed is "virtually legal". And it's true - I am personally not much of a smoker, but basically, if you get busted (even by the police) the worst they'll really do is confiscate it.
But let's get down to the important part: how nice are the bus drivers?
Victoria bus drivers are very likely Jesus himself incarnate. Always quick to supply directions or a smile, they are guranteed to brighten your day. You get the odd grouch, but I'm sure they're just having a bad day. In general, Victoria bus drivers are the best folks you'll ever hope to meet. I would be proud to have an only daughter (or son, for that matter) marry a Victorian bus driver.

Surrey:
Popluation: 437,685
Known for the crime?
Variety of people: To be honest, I'm not really sure. I just know that the girls tend to be psycho and slutty (and Gina, I know you're reading this, I'm not referring to you!)
Quality of people: In general, trash.
Famous locals: Superslut shit-pop singer Elise Estrada - you might want to watch her video, but only for comedic purposes. She does represent Surrey nicely.
I'm inclined to indulge in marijuana now and then...how well will I fit in?
Hey, it's BC, you'll be alright. Though ideally, move on towards Vancouver.
But let's get down to the important part: how nice are the bus drivers?
I couldn't tell you - I'm only experienced in Victoria and Vancouver public transportation.

Abbotsford:
Population: 131, 827
Abbotsford has a killer view of the mountains, but that's not why we go there. There's a fantastic local band, and the people are dedicated to having a good time.
Variety of people: Moderate. Technically, it's a Bible town, but there are tons of hippies and skaters too.
Quality of people: I'll just be upfront: People in Abbotsford are freaking awesome.
Famous locals: Apparently Evangeline Lilly?
I'm inclined to indulge in marijuana now and then...how well will I fit in?
You're home.
But let's get down to the important part: how nice are the bus drivers?
I couldn't tell you - I'm only experienced in Victoria and Vancouver public transportation.

Mission:
Population: 34, 505
Mission has a stunning park and hosts the insanely awesome FolkFest, but other than that, it's not quite the kind of place I'd make any efforts to be in.
Variety of people: Low. The guys there are all pretty much the same in the music they listen to, they way they dress, the slang they use, right down to the way they walk and the ever-important length of their hair. The girls tend to be what we on Vancouver Island would call a "twink", and what others might calls a "prep" or a "ditz" or maybe even a "slut" - not making judgments or anything!
Quality of people: In general, pretty low. Mission people give me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. There are, of course, exceptions, but overall, to be avoided. And a word to the wise - never ever trust a Mission kid. Many are severely Machiavellian personality types. I would say they're two-faced, but it would be an insult to their impressively eight-faced ways. Jenn's rad, but other than that, don't turn your back on a Mission kid for a second, because knives will be flashing.

...at least I'm not bitter.
Famous locals: Uh, the third-place contestant on the fifth season of Canadian Idol, Carly Rae Jepsen. What, you haven't heard of her???
I'm inclined to indulge in marijuana now and then...how well will I fit in?
Very easily, but beware: Mission people let their stoner-ness become their defining characteristic. Don't fall into this trap.
But let's get down to the important part: how nice are the bus drivers?
Some of the most un-knowledgeable bus drivers I have encountered. Their excuse for not knowing Mission's basic geography? "I live in Maple Ridge." Next!

Also, if you're a proud Mission kid or Surreyite reading this, infuriated that a smug Victorian like myself would insult your fair city, please bear in mind that the main purpose of this post is to entertain and educate. Also, I'm sorry. I hope one day you can afford to live on the Island too.

i can't help it if he be checkin for a platinum type of girl

2009-02-06T12:04:00.020-08:00

There are some artists who are absolute geniuses, in the most retarded way possible. I think two of the best examples of this are T-Pain and R.Kelly. And so what do we get when they combine forces?

In the immortal words of T-Pain himself: "Greatness plus greatness equals great greatness."
Couldn't have said it any better myself.

Im A Flirt-RMX (ft. T.I. & T-Pain) - R. Kelly

What can one say about a song the calibar of "I'm A Flirt"?
To call it "brilliant" would be too easy, too cliche. To call it "the best possible song to sing while drunk" would be correct, but too obvious.
I will say that the first time I heard it, I wept. It was such a relief to finally find a song that expressed my deepest inner emotions, really spoke to me and described me so perfect. It was like R. Kelly had been reading into my figurative diary, the journal of my mind, and drew on that to compose this number.

"I swear to tell the truth and the whole truth...when it comes to ho's, I be pimpin' like I supposed to"
That line? Stolen word for word from something I said when trying to explain to a guy why I ditched him at a party for some other dude.*
"So, baby, don't bring your friends to meet me, unless your game is tight and you trust them, don't bring them around me because I'm a flirt"
If I'm actually serious about a guy (pfff, yeah right), I have to give him this warning before he introduces me to his pals. There have been instances in the past. Is his game ever tight? No. Did he trust his friends? Way more than he should've.
"Cuff your bitch, cuz hey: I'm black, handsome, I sing, plus I'm rich"?
I say that to every girl with an attractive boyfriend, and they usually cower in fear and insist on dragging their man out of the premises immediately. If they're smart.
"Now I'ma flirt whether I'm in or out of town, that's why they call me Teddy Bend Her Ass Down"
This is one of the few lines not directly stolen (though gender-reversed) from my life philosophy. I just had to give it a shout-out because it's incredibly cunning, if you got the reference.

I have to tell you, it's a relief to find a song that so thoroughly related to me, instead of simply the little "Play on, playette" at the beginning of "No Diggity". Sure, Mr. Kelly had to reverse the genders to make it applicable to himself (for example, when I pass by, they're all saying "She's so fly, and, yes, she's so coooool")
Anyway, I guess the truth is out. I'm currently not planning on suing, because the song is so goddamn good. Now I know how Roberta Flack feels - R. Kelly's been singin' my life with his words.
Girl, you know just who I am...don't hate!

*Pictures simply estimates of these two guys' appearences.

you could say she has an individual style, she's part of a colourful time

2009-02-03T11:55:00.003-08:00

Even though I am clearly not a fashion blog, it happens all the time* that I am often approached with this sort of thing: "Hey, I am attending an obscure event and I would like you to shamelessly plug your friend's vintage store by giving me suggestions of what to wear."
It is true that my mostly companion has an online vintage store, but the fact remains that I have no experience with fashion styling (though much experience in obscure events).
"I understand that you are not explicitly a fashion blog," the reply often** comes, "but you clearly have a most delightful taste in so many categories, I could not see how you could possibly fail."
How could I argue with that? (Though I know someone who could: One of the harpies at my friend's Catholic school ended up rushing over to me when I was visiting once, yelling "Uniform infraction!" just because my sweater had innocently slipped off my shoulder - with all the fuss she made you would've thought I was rolling around on the ground with my legs in the air, crying wantonly "I am a woman of loose morals - come get me, boys")

Situation:
"This morning I received in the mail an invitation to attend a picnic for dwarves. I am not personally a dwarf but I am of very small stature.
The picnic is to be held in a meadow that is known for its mosquitoes. I am not particularly adverse to mosquito bites, except on my arms.
The mother of my gentleman friend is also attending and she has a known passion for famous vintage labels of the 1960's and 70's. I would like to impress her with my choice.
The invitation also specified 'prairie chic' as the desired dress."
Solution:
Fear not, friend! I have the perfect outfit for you.
This is an authentic Gunne Sax (one of the most famous vintage labels of the 60's and 70's) prarie-style dress, with puffed netting arms. It is also quite small, so if you're petite and have trouble finding clothing that fits you, look no further. I've heard your anguished cries of "My bust is 29" and my waist but 24"...but my hips are freeeeeee!" Hush, you will pain no more. Just click here.

Situation:
"I am a proud Goth (by the original definiton and not the tragic popular cultural misappropriation) and refuse to wear anything but black. However, my badminton club is having a Stevie Nicks-themed party. I would like to find an outfit that combines my Gothic background with Stevie Nicks' fantastic fashion sense.
Obviously I intend this for more than a one-time use, therefore this outfit could not look out of place in a cemetary, for one of my occupations involves making bouquets for funerals and I spend a lot of time in boneyards as research.
P.S. My boyfriend has a sexual fetish for bell sleeves. Usually I ignore it, but his birthday is approaching and I thought I'd indulge him..."
Solution:
C'mon, challenge me a little! We have a clear choice.
"Gothic" and "Stevie Nicks" is an obvious overlap. Your dramatic sleeve-lovin' boyfriend will spontaneously orgasm at the sight of these bad boys. And this outfit was practically designed for the sole purpose of lurking in graveyards. Shh, you don't have to fight anymore. It's all here.

Situation:
"My lesbian lover is graduating from engineering school this spring.
She's Russian-Canadian, I'm Filipina, and we live in Arkansas, but we've both had a life-long passion for Mexican culture. Therefore her graduation party has an express Mexian theme. Also, the party is in Florida, where it will be rather toasty come time for the event.
I am enjoy lace-utilizing haberdashery, because it makes me feel like I'm covered in snow (and by snow I mean those cut-out paper snowflakes - it's all I knew of such things as child).
I've been rubbing self-tanner on my shoulders because they get sore a lot at my job loading trucks and the only lotion I could find was bronzing. Therefore I would like to showcase my shoulders but please leave my comparatively pale stomach and thighs covered."
Situation:
They don't call me Molly Miracle Worker for nothing! Er, "they" actually don't really call me that at all. But once you see what I have for you, you just might! Feast your eyes on this sexy number.
And Kayla Hyne ain't bad either! Flaunt your sunkissed shoulders in this superbly Mexican dress. The burgandy colour will look fantastic on you, I can tell, and this dress can keep the secret of your pasty (though I doubt you're that pasty; you're Filipino!) belly and thighs. Speaking of secrets, the lace-trimming just screams that you have one or two of your own up your sleeve. And at least one of those secrets has got to be "I'm not overheating like the rest of you suckers", because while this dress will surely protect you from Us Weekly's Fashion Police, it will let the breeze cool you down. Can you believe one dress can do so much? You'll believe it once you've seen it here.

Situation:
"I am a Neil Young fan.
I want everyone I encounter to be aware of this fact.
P.S. And I gotta be authentic - no poseur bullshit!"
Solution:

Done.

Situation:
"My brother's girlfriend is one of those obnoxious holier-than-thou, PETA-type vegetarians who feels the need to remind me that with each bite of meatloaf, I am personally responsible for the torture and murder of every animal ever eaten, by humans or otherwise.
Anyway, she's having a tofu barbecue next weekend, even though it's still pretty nippy out. The attire is "formal".
I really want to piss her off."
Solution:
I can relate - PETA sucks. And remember - the enemy of your enemy is your friend.
Meet this divine fur shrug.
Cosy? Check. Versatile? Check - it can be formal or semi-formal (or casual, if you're a free spirit!) Warm? Check. Real fur? Damn straight. I don't feel like making a case for fur all over again, but if you'd like to review my previous post devoted to how awesome, badass and gorgeous fur is, check it out here. And if you've realized (correctly) that you can't live another day without knowing this fur shrug is yours, click here.

Situation:
"I have a general policy of only wearing dresses and skirts. And yet, I love versatility. Any skirt I purchase must also have the bonus of being worn as a dress.

My grandmother's elderly boyfriend invited me to tea, possibly to ask my permission for her hand in marriage (I am her only living relative, besides her cousin [with whom she had a falling out a few years back due to an alarming incident involving a tea tray and a medicine ball]).
After our tea, I am attending a music festival with some of my bohemian pals.
I need a garment that is applicable to both events, as I will only be bringing a small change purse (for those temporary tattoo machines in grocery stores - I can never resist) and cannot carry a full change of clothes.
I like ethnic embroidery."
Solution:

Your needs are complex. However, with Nicola's access to fantastic clothing and my undeniable talent for problem-solving, we have your solution.

This wrap skirt conveniently doubles as a wrap dress. It is appropriate for afternoon tea with your future step-grandfather and a music festival. You like ethnic embroidery, you say? You won't be disappointed with this skirt's almost peacock feather-like design. And it allows for easy temporary tattoo flauntage. Go 'head now, girl. Love: it's just a click away.

Was your obscure event not covered?
Rest assured, there's something for everyone.

Nicola's Vintage Boutique

Because you can't find anything worth wearing anywhere else.

*In this case I am using "all the time" as a slang phrase to mean "rarely"
**Again, I'm using "often" as shorthand for "never"

you think you're special? well, so do i

2009-02-02T09:26:00.009-08:00

First of all, I must say, the Superbowl was a fantastic game, and I came out of it with a huge crush on Arizona wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald. I always choose my favourite player before the game starts, almost always based on their smiles and how could I possibly resist this? And then when he turned out to be a fantastic player (and a helluva runner), the deal was done.

Also, you're a Virgo, and I'm a Cancer - it just works.

Anyway, have you ever noticed that certain musical artists specialize in certain emotions? "Examples!" You demand. No need for insolence, I'm on it!

Lil Wayne
Speciality: exasperation
Maybe it's just that he's so busy being genius that he has no time for the tomfoolery of others. All I know is Lil Wayne pulls out an exasperated sigh with the ease of Paris Hilton's childhood tutor.
Best examples: 2:22-2:24 in the "Lollipop" video; 0:19 in "Mr. Carter"; 0:09-0:24 in "Dr. Carter"

Prince
Speciality: sexually frustrated, in an angry way
Well, okay, it's more of just a mix of anger and horniness mainly because Prince seems to have a perennial horniness underlying everything. But when he gets angry (without losing his horniness), the music gets excellent.
Best examples: the whole ending of "Darling Nikki"; most of "Something in the Water (Does Not Compute)" but 2:30-2:50 in particular; 4:35-5:20 of "The Dance"; "Temptation" for more of the sexually frustration than anger

prince likes getting laid

Marvin Gaye
Speciality: Sexually frustrated, in a sad, pleading way
Best examples: I ain't getting obscure here; Marvin made his bread and butter on "please, baby" type songs - think "Sexual Healing", "Let's Get It On", "I Want You" and those are just the hits!

strange fascinations fascinating me

2009-01-30T10:51:00.018-08:00

A few months ago, I added a ridiculously addicting feature to my blog. Look to your right (or, if you're a bit behind and this isn't the most recent post, up and to your right)...it's called Feedjit. And, hey, look - that's your city that just arrived on "ashcan rantings". That's right, I can keep tabs on you, and since when have I ever passed up an opportunity to indirectly stalk myself by stalking those who stalk me?
That's right:
Never.
I get a lot of fun information such as where you're from, how you arrived at my blog (search engine? Linked from another blog?) and where you left my blog to. But perhaps the most entertaining information I get is what people typed into Google to arrive at my blog. The most common entries range from obvious ("ashcan rantings") to creepy ("sharon tate dead body" - please, enough!) to pretty freaking rad ("who the fuck is mick jagger?")
Sometimes, however, I get some really bizarre searchs linked to my blog. Case in point:

"did obama ever kiss his mother on her lips."
I don't know what's more disturbing - that someone actually cared enough about that to bother to try to search it or that they ended up on my blog. I can't imagine why that would be an issue for anyone, unless they are racist to the point that they're against a black man kissing a white woman even though they're related.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No, cuz what they needed was a good spin kick to the head.

"my love video asses"
(Saudia Arabia)
I'm not sure what this person was trying to say - "my love for video asses"? "asses in the 'My Love' video"? - but the fact that they're from Saudi Arabia explains why they had to turn to the Internet for this instead of simply turning on BET.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Well, I sure hope so; Saudi Arabians have as much right to marvel over how those girls got all of that in them jeans as we do. But seriously...do they get their pants altered or are they actually sold with all that space in the back?

"tight pants 'alex turner'"
(Serbia)
Well, wait a minute! This person only wants to see Alex Turner in tight pants - there's nothing bizarre about that! In fact, I consider it an honour that someone with such a noble quest found themselves on my blog.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
If they didn't at the time, by God, I'll make sure they get it now.

You're welcome, dear Serbian friend.

"just dance" "date rape"
(Buffalo, New York)
Ah, another searcher I feel a kinship with, for I too long felt that the popular Lady Gaga song "Just Dance" had strong date rape undertones. Seriously, let's examine some of the lyrics: "I can't see straight anymore"? "How did I turn my shirt inside out?" "Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic"? Adding to the equation the really creepy guy popping up with sleazy lines like "Shawty, I can see that you've got so much energy, the way you're twirling you hips round and round/I see no reason at all why you can't leave here with me"
Unfortunately, pal, that's not how it works. Just because you can't think of any reason why a girl shouldn't sleep with you, doesn't mean it's meant to be. In fact, I can think of a reason why she shouldn't leave here with you: because you're a silly, greasy Chachi who seems to be sadly uninformed of his lack of African heritage.

Still from the "Just Dance" video: Victim of GHB-spiked drink or typical drunken slut? YOU decide!

Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
If what they were looking for was the validation that they were not alone in seeing these creepy vibes in an otherwise wicked (though hideously overplayed) song, then, yes. And I'll have to thank them, for they gave me the very same.

"What does he think when we kiss?"
(Lewisburg, Pennsylvania)
This case is also a bit sad, as this person is clearly confused about the nature of Google. It's not like a Magic 8 Ball, where you type in your query and it goes, "Well, Tammy, what your man friend is thinking is 'I wonder how much longer I have to stroke her hair before she lets me get up under the bra?'"
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
Essentially, no, I can't be sure. But if I know guys (and let's not kid ourselves, I really don't), he's probably trying to determine from the amount of tongue you're using how far you're going to let him get that evening. Hint: easy on the tongue, try to keep it neat and practice safe sex.

"harry hopes cary ill"
(Illinois)
Yeah...I'm just as baffled as you are.

"do canadians have people on new naked?"
(Montreal)
This is a bit confusing, as Montreal is (for the most part) still in Canada, as far as I know. I can only guess that they were asking if the anchors on the evening news are naked - which I'm pretty sure they aren't.
The other possible option is that this person is wondering whether Canada has settings that we put ourselves on - like "I'm on naked, she's on clothed (oh shit)". And then, on top of this bizarre setting, we have a new sort of "naked". Again, if this system exists, I sure missed the memo.
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I think what this person needs can't really be found on a humble blog such as this.

"alex turner not good looking"
(Perth)
I don't know what sort of crazy talk this person is into, but the only acceptable option I can think of is that this person one day woke up and asked themselves, "Is it possible that there is a picture of Alex Turner where he's not looking damn fine?" Who among us has not wondered the same thing?
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
No. The unflattering picture of Alex Turner is simply a myth, kids.

"I wont to kiss zach efron talk a photo to kiss"
(Maryland)
You know, it's amazing how grammar and spelling falls by the wayside on Google. But more amazing is how any sort of common sense seems to evaporate at the sight of those blue, yellow and red letters.

To attempt to decode this disturbing search, we must first break it down. It appears this person "wont[s]" to kiss "zach efron." It's entirely possibe that she (really, let's assume it's a young girl - this case is nauseating enough without imagining otherwise) knows a boy from school named Zach Efron, but sadly, evidence points to the shocking fact that many girls (at least 27) want to kiss the celebrity Zac Efron. What's really confusing is the "talk a photo to kiss". No matter how I reconstruct it, it doesn't work (or become anything but unsettling).
Did ashcan rantings give them what they needed?
I'll give you this and that's it:

Have no fear, I will continue to track the disconcerting things people search and keeping you readers informed!

make me want you, make me miss you, make me wonder where you are, then forget you

2009-01-27T12:54:00.017-08:00

You thought you'd heard every song they'd ever made a billion times...

Deep Tracks by Overexposed Artists:

"The Lady in My Life" by Michael Jackson

Okay, it's on Thriller, so it's probably the "deep track" most people have heard. Still, this is the song that proves my longtime belief that Michael Jackson is the best ad-libber of all time. (And here I'm using 'ad lib' to mean all the "ooh", "baby", "yeah", etc.) I usually start this song at the 2:30 point, as the last two and a half minutes are all gorgeous adlibbing. MJ 4 Eva y'all!

"Why Should I Be Sad" by Britney Spears
My favourite track off Blackout, this slow - but not, God forbid, a ballad - number is pop genius. Clearly intended as a kiss-off to K-Fed, I think it's beautiful. The one included on the playlist below is slightly slowed-down, but still fantastic.

"She Lives in My Lap" by OutKast
The B-side to the equally-genius "Prototype" (which I've raved about before), this dreamy song featuring voices and laughs from Rosario Dawson is quirky, sweet, creative and eccentric. I'm glad it wasn't played eight trillion times on the radio a la "Hey Ya" - it's much more meaningful this way.

"Wavin' Bye to the Train or Bus" by the Arctic Monkeys
This is another case, in my opinion, of a song that has kickass verses and a weak chorus. But the verses? Kickass indeed! Maybe one of my favourite Arctic Monkeys lines ever with the "Oh, baby, I'm wantin' to do you a swap/I'll give you anything, yeah, in return for them noises you've got"

"Distant Lover" by Marvin Gaye
I used to really dislike this track from Let's Get It On, in fact, it was the only song I didn't love off that album. However, suddenly one day, I listened to it and realized its genius and beauty in one flash. Especially the "please, please, baby" at 1:03.

deep tracks...

listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness, like a heartbeat drives you mad

2009-01-27T09:57:00.008-08:00

I think we all know that the one area of my life where I am most blessed is in the concert department (also, hair - I have great hair). My lucky streak continues - yesterday I acquired tickets to go see Fleetwood Mac in May!
Sadly, it isn't my preferred Fleetwood Mac (i.e. early Peter Green) but in any case it should be wicked. Stevie Nicks used to be my idol, and I still think she's ridiculously cool. Lindsey Buckingham is, of course, also rad. It will be a huge honour to see two members of the original Fleetwood Mac (Mick Fleetwood and John McVie). True, Christine McVie won't be there, but I'm not gonna let that bring me down!
Here's a great video of Stevie Nicks-era Fleetwood Mac covering Peter Green-era Fleetwood Mac's "Oh Well".

Anybody else score Fleetwood Mac Unleashed tickets? Get on that shit, it'll be the bee's knees!

it's so beautiful, it's almost unfair...

2009-01-22T09:36:00.015-08:00

10 Songs I'm Into at the Moment:

1. "Stronger Than Me" by Amy Winehouse
Really now, isn't it refreshing to see Amy Winehouse being mentioned for her music? Sure, she's got issues, but her voice and songwriting are amazing. This is my favourite Amy song.

2. "White Women" by Adam Green
I don't listen to a lot of Adam Green, though I think he's ridiculously cool, but this blues-y, Doors-esque number is a true find. The first line is "You know I wanna bone you" - sold!

3. "Let Me Be" by Parliament
This is different than how you'd image Parliament to be, if your main idea of them is along the lines of "Flashlight" and "Tear the Roof Off". It's hard to describe, but it starts off with some piano and then Eddie Hazel pleading for some privacy. It's worth listening to even if only to see how versatile Parliament is. Personally, I straight up love this song.

4. "Love Rollercoaster" by Ohio Players
Okay, I'm probably not introducing you to anything new here, as most people know this song. But for good reason! It's awesome. Oh and the so-called "death scream" (it's at 2:32 on the recording included below, if you're listening for it) is just a myth, I must reiterate. No models were stabbed to death in a dispute over stickiness and their final scream captured in the song.
I find it interesting that since there are so many background screams (though admittedly, none of the others were quite as...shrill) why did people still assume it was a death scream?
Oh, right, cuz that's way more fun.

5. "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears
This song is genius. For those of you who didn't immediately get it, I'll quickly explain: "If U Seek Amy" = "If U See Kay Me" = "FUCK Me". Cute punnery aside, this is a pop masterpiece. And now they're going to go and ruin it by making it superoverexposed on the radio.
Dammit, have we learned nothing from "Gimme More"??

6. "Mr. Carter" by Lil' Wayne feat. Jay-Z
I'm really confused as to why this wasn't a single - oh, wait, there's a video, so I guess it was. Didn't get played around here! Anyway, this song is flyer than beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice..

7. "Coldblooded" by Rick James
Some superchill funk courtesy of Mr. Rick James.

8. "Frantic Moment" by Eddie Hazel
More amazing-ness from Eddie "Maggot Brain" Hazel. Some say he's a better guitarist than Hendrix - I don't know enough about guitar to judge that, but he sure can lay down a wicked song.

9. "Fairies Wear Boots" by Black Sabbath
My love for Black Sabbath grows with each listen and this song is my current favourite.

10. "Crime and Medicine" by Mos Def
I love Mos Def and I can't get enough of this track.

january 22